It's all my imagination~

2010-11-01T03:11:00.000-07:00

Hi, Rustys!

Guess what? I'm using my pnone to type this post today. It's a special post from me to you.

So how's your motor prac? And I am happy for you, for the things that you do. Never say that you're my ex, because we never did end our relationship. Sometimes, I really think that what we have is really special, and it'd continue for the rest of our lives. Remember about the movie 2012 together? I'm scared that it really does happen. So let's ask each other this question again, where will you be when it's your last day on Earth? I guesss your answer is probably to be with your family, because of our commitment to them as their children. What if we're caught unwarned?

Maybe i'm being paranoid, having some hysteria going on because after watching the movie again. You know how I always wanted to be a environmentalist, to help out on what I can right? Well... Somehow in my mind, a lot of what the scientists make sense about their stand about the end of the world. But well, Clive and I argued out, he does have his point. But i'm a believer, and yet... I still want to have a future with you. Well, are you a believer? And, I feel the heart aches you felt when you watched the movie. I know we talked about it before, and here it is again. This is definitely something to look out for after 21 December 2012. I love you with my mind, my soul and my heart.

And my friend from class saw you on bus 29 on Saturday.

I know you're a busy man, but canyou somehow get a day free for me? I want to invite you again for the curves's thingy thingthing.

P.S. Take good care

2010-10-30T07:49:00.000-07:00

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

I met you today. For around 15 minutes. Hahahah. And I hope those vans of yours are clean to you, because I washed them hard a few months ago and after that, you said something quite nasty to me over msn, if you recall. D:

Erm well, I'm still a bit disturbed by what you told me, but I guess it's fine because we really have no idea what's gonna happen in the future. But it's still in the matter of believing it. And I do believe we stand a future together several years down the row. (:

Take care and good luck for your motor prac test!

You owe me a ride all over Singapore on my birthday next year. Hahahaha.

2010-10-28T08:50:00.000-07:00

It's been exactly a month since the previous post. NICE!

A lot of stuff has happened in that month itself.

It's nice knowing you for a year. Haahahaha.

And I'm sorry that I made the decision to be with Fitri, even though I feel it straight in my heart that you yelled 'NO!'

But deep down, you do know who's inside my heart, right?

It's so amazing to know that a instant hookup with a guy like you and a girl like me can last till this long. Seriously, I miss you beyond my dictionary of words AND I know it's early to say this, and I've said it before, but I see you as the father of my kids. I can't quite exactly find a guy like you anymore.

Thank you for watching movies with me.

Thank you for standing my nonsense.

Thank you for appreciating me.

Thank you for understanding.

Thank you for making me cry.

Thank you for making me laugh.

Thank you for making me smile.

Thank you for spending money on me.

Thank you for spending your time to meet me.

Thank you for fetching me from school on that rainy day with your jacket.

Thank you for borrowing me money.

Thank you for accompanying me to get my first aid certificate.

Thank you for borrowing me your awesomest Adiddas jackets.

Thank you for motivating me to study again.

Thank you for being happy on your birthday, I'd never forget that moment.

Thank you for bonding with my friends.

Thank you for visiting this useless site.

Thank you for your willingness to let me date other guys (even though I won't like it)

Thank you for your love.

Thank you so much.

I really wanna be with you in the future, and have a future together be in poor or rich. Because, you took my heart away when I was just only 15. I'm even getting teary eyed typing this. I still keep your picture in my wallet wherever I go along with your dogtag. And honestly, I'm getting more complicated myself...

P.S. 'Can I ask something that might be dumb?'
'What?' *smiles*
'Where have you been all my life?'
JENGJENGJENG!!

2010-09-27T06:33:00.000-07:00

UMMMMM.. Since 'N' levels is just next week (Oct 4th), I have to study... Sooo.. I'd only post whenever I feel like it. :D

So umm.. Thanks for sending me home today, without you I'd be drenched and soaked. I had fun crossing the road with you. Hahahahahaha. Lucky you do live close to me. Thanks, Rusty. (:

I need to save money, and lots of it. I have many creditors. ~.~

Wish me luck!

P.S. I'm not done with you yet.. (YES, YOU! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!)

2010-09-25T09:17:00.000-07:00

R.I.P. Grumpy. I'd never forget you and I'd never forget who caused me so much pain. I wanted a grumpy bear, but you're gone now. )': Clive is a big fat nerd.

TODAYYY!!! I like the weather today. (: I woke up with a surprise, the dishes since last night wasn't done. Zzz. He is sure as lazy as Brutus the bear from the National Geographic channel. I head to Orchard today. I thought we're all gonna watch a movie. But LOL! Today was fine. After hanging around in Forever 21 for 10 minutes, I've got great idea for my prom and now, with the prices in my mind, it's a big headache. But I can borrow it from friends, right? O.O I'M GOING TO PROM, SUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!! WATCH OUT, BITCH.

I saw quite a number of shops selling Doc Marts. I pretty much have a idea of what I wanna get now. A simple black one with white laces for F-R-E-E-D-O-M! I tried on a sidezip today, it feels comfortable and it does keep me warm! AHAHAHAH! But it costs a bomb. Zzz.

After getting back home, the dishes still isn't done. Well, it's a task for me now! And yeahhh.........

Dear GRRRRR

HI! I still wanna have KFC! And, and, and you look like a Singaporean, just somehow not much of a malay guy looking. :OOO And can you buy me a Grumpy Bear, please? That's all I ask. ):

P.S. R.I.P. Grumpy.

2010-09-24T08:00:00.000-07:00

Here it goes, another day has passed again.

Class was fine, especially without somebody in class today. I noticed that I've slept for a straight 5 school days in class, at least for 30 mins per school day. LOL. I had something 'special' today during recess, and I don't think there's any difference with a concicious Heather and a under influnenced Heather. :D

After class while waiting for Kang Lin, I bumped into Khalis and well... For old time's sake. :) He's doing goooooooooooood with Ili, I'm happy for him. :D And well, I went off to the gym with Kang Lin and well, I bumped into YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! on the way. Hehehehehheheehehehehehee. :)))) As short as ever. I wonder what special occassion it was today, a whole lot of Pasir Ris sec people were there in the gym, especially the lower secondary guys. WTH?!?!?! Pak Keng and Samuel were there too, it's been awhile since I saw them. I'm pretty sure I wasn't too hard to spot with a bright yellow shirt. ~.~ As we left, Jared came. LOL. Kang Lin and I then head down to the pool to watch Rayen, Rong Yun and Jerry. WOOOOOOOOOO!

Chubby is a nicer word for fat. And she pretty much forked out a dollar, 50 cents for both of us to enter the swimming complex, just to make fun of them. Hahahahahaha. Worthwhile, I guess.. And OMG! THE CHICKEN FROM THAT STALL IN THE SWIMMING COMPLEX IS GOD DAMNED DELICIOUS! NO BONE IN THE CHICKEN SOMEMORE! WAHLAOOOOOOOO! DAMN SHIOK! Shiok until have to steal money from Rayen... ~.~

Dr Cash $4
Cr Creditor - Rayen $4

The U.K. banadana costs $3 only!!!!!!!

Dear B.A.S.T.A.R.D

I'm shocked you got 'it'. Damn your classmate. Please rest more on yourself to prevent fatigue. Fatigue isn't great, you know.. Well, it is related to 'it'. LOL, 'it'. Btw, can we go swimming together sometime? PLEAAAAASSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEE?!?!?!?! And, and, and can you have KFC with me again?!?!?!? PLEASE? ):

P.S. Prom or no prom? $35..

2010-09-23T08:09:00.000-07:00

MUSIC IS EVERYTHING.

Gene Simmons is a great father, he could have died early, but he's 61 already. And irony here is, KISS's lead singer is Starry Eyed.. HAHAHAHA!

Ever wonder how juicy a sandwich can be? In between the sandwich is the meat, cheese, vegetables. My stomach is growling while I'm typing this. I miss subway. ): WELL! My main point is, Alfian and I got sandwiched. Apparently, I'm the meat and he's the lettuce. Del wanted to pull Farah in, so that makes her the cheese. And Del and her are the bread. Get my story? (:

Big Gulp in the morning is a bad idea.

I hate seeing that bitch's face, hope your eyes get blind by that contact lens.

I like sleeping in class with the air entering my stomach.

Finally had a class photo. :D

Dear nimirsar,

I miss takopachi. ): Can treat me some? (:

P.S. Grumpy bear

2010-09-22T07:19:00.000-07:00

'If you happen to be a friend of a couple who are together for years, and in a midst of a fight, they decided that you should be in that 'buffer zone' and they expect you to solve their problems, what would you do?'

F her, I did what I can and well, it ain't appreciated. Fucked up lah. Thanks Aden Ardel, you're still a asshole. Ahahahaha. Hope to see you soon...

Get well soon, Clive! I finally knew what's influenza B today... At least she called you.. 8) Stop theory-ing to me about motorbikes, pretty please?

After school, I dashed off with Alfian to find Del. But who knows? I was fucking unappreciated. Alfian and I planned to drive him away. If this goes on, she's gonna fucking loose everything.

Only thing that kept me smiling till now was, I met my old primary school friends. It's been 4 long years, I'm glad to see them. Well, MOST of them. (: And I discovered most of them are at least a head taller for the guys, not boys anymore, but guys. I had a great time in Seoul Garden. :D

Dear goodol'whatshisname,

Good luck for your motorbike driving course, EVERYTHING. I'm happy. (: And, and! Safety is priority. Hope too see your chubby face soon,

Sincerly,
whatsername (it's a song by Green Day)

P.S. CLASS PHOTO SESSION!

2010-09-21T07:41:00.000-07:00

'Make poverty history'

I'm halfway there. I hope by learning Geography in school, it does help with my dream. What Mr Ng asked today was a great question, 'Do you regret taking Geography?' HELL NO.

AH WELL, I just got lectured again, 3 hours of lecture in 2 days from Dad. GREEAAAAT. If you can see inside my head, you'd know what I hide. My life is too way advanced beyond my years and I always believe that makes me for who I am. But well, I have no regrets. And I am enjoying life now, better off than some of my cousins who are at least twice as old as me. I know what I'm doing outside.

School was fine, and it seems like Geography took forever... -.-

1 and a half more weeks for normal school days! Which is equivalent to about 10 more days.

Dear R.A.

I love you. (: It might be awhile since we said that phrase. <-------
And, and... I really wanna engrave it somewhere in your mind or physical body that... 'Even if we hate each other, I'll always be there. I'll always, always be there.' Will you be there? (: And btw, as you see this, you owe me a sms. YOU JUST HUNG UP ON ME!!!!!!!!! )': Well, I miss your chubby chubby face a lot, that's for sure. Can I bite on them?

P.S. I CAN'T WAIT FOR WEDNESDAY!!

2010-09-19T08:16:00.001-07:00

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last weekend felt like a holiday, and I haven't got much sleep. How am I gonna go to school like this? I'm sure the rest are feeling the same too.

I slept at 1, thanks to Das-man and woke up at 8. The rest of the day was pretty much fucked up because my dad has been criticizing about me or some other things the whole time. I'm not spread any hatred message or what, but if he can do a better job, it's great. Instead of criticizing all day long, he himself perhaps should do something about it instead of yanking. And I'm sorry, I saw my cousins as though like they're strangers to me now. I don't know what's wrong with me being with them, I lost the bond. So quit talking behind my back to the others, I lost the damned bond, no connections, no nothing.

After getting home, it's like for the first ever time, it's like a sin to sleep on the sofa. And I really wanna bleach and scrub my tongue and throw up whatever I ate in the morning.. It made me felt so sick, even mom agrees!

The year now is 2010. 10 years ago, I was 6, enjoying my kindgeraten years. And I still remember that when I'm younger, whenever I take the train and pass Simei to Tanah Merah, I told my parents that that's gonna be my future school. That school is ITE Simei, and it's rather unbelievable for me that I'm gonna persue my studies there next year, that is unless if I get in there and it seems like I'm fighting with every other NA student to get there. Time flies... and 10 years ago, I was a shy little girl. But look at me now! :D

The future is still distant, but I'm afraid of it. I know things can't go my way, and life isn't fair. But well, I still hope for whatever that's most likely to come true. And there are indeed some people in my life who I don't want to loose at this point of time. I'm afraid of my own future, ain't that hilarious? Be it another 10 or 20 years later, I don't want to be a working class regretting not living my life. And after today being at my relative's house, I find that it's still best to have more than 1 children, because he/she might be bored while being at your relative's house. It happened to me, I'm an only child and I was bored to death at my relative's house. So, I'm gonna make sure history doesn't repeat itself even though it's too early to talk about it. First girl's gonna be Farrah! First boy's gonna be Billie! -.-

Well... Another thing is, I'm glad that Alfian and I have resolved everything. And he finally know how precious friends can be. Slow.. DASANI SUCK!!

P.S. This was written on Sunday night, but my lappy was a bitch, it blacked out. -.-

As I close my eyes before I sleep, your face appeared and left me a smile. :)

2010-09-18T08:57:00.000-07:00

School is about to end soon, and I did had a great time with my friends for Hari Raya. In my life, I faced people which I really don't like. Even as you don't like that person, whether or not because of their character or the way they talk, it's still them and I have to accept that. They are for who they are, and I'm sorry that so many others talked about you and others.

Visiting my friends' house for Hari Raya is indeed my first ever time. And I'd like to thank Effa for inviting. There was so much tension going on before it actually happen on the outings, but well, it's still solved. I really loved every single part of it, and I'm glad it somehow did make it well. Some of us will be leaving the class for ITE next year, and some of us would stay for sec 5. This is perhaps the greatest moment EVER for us class of 4A2, 2010.

Dear specialspecialspecialspecial somebodysomebodysomebody,

You are somebody that I want, not hope for and well.. The others are somebody that I dreamt for, and not want. I'm glad that things are fine, it wasn't what I wanted, but at least it's better. I simply adore you, and you are one hell of a guy. I mean it. I'm young, yessss. But well, I don't ever want to give up on you, and I want you to never give up on me. I'm pretty sure your NS years will be gone in a flash, I'm trying to psycho that into my mind, and it's a success. And well.. I did got well wishes from my friends about me and you. Soooo..

HAPPY 11TH MONTHSARY!!!! Is that how you spell it? Sorry. PS!

2010-09-15T08:42:00.000-07:00

'The beauty of a pencil...' that's my thought of the day. :D

Amazingly, I've been sleeping in the morning, waking up in the morning. I heard Clive's whines 2 nights ago, and last night was pretty much my turn to whine. Hahahaha.

Today felt rather meaningful to me in school, I did my work. DILIGENTLY. LOL! And I am really feeling sleepy today in school, slept for only like what? 5 hours before school.

After school, I head straight home. Too sleepy...

2 hours and 40 minutes later, I received a sms.. Time to wake up and get ready for gym.. Thanks to you once again, I walked around in circles just to search for you and Yi Jie. -.- NERD! And well, I guess my days as a shy little girl is over, I didn't ran away from Yi Jie. Ahahahahahaha. And he's good, first day of knowing him and he knows I'm lying. It's either that or I suck at making up stories. I told him that I ain't straight, and Isabelle's my girl. LOL! Of course, the story's fake. I'm straight and my significant other is a guy. I saw Faisal at the gym. DAMN SURPRISING!

Dr Bacardi $13
Cr Discount Received $5
Cr Creditor - Clive $8

Dr Debtor - Isabelle $6
Cr Unknown purchases $6

Another thing about today, I felt really pissed with Alfian... Just yesterday during school, we were just fine. And at night? You gave me on our friendship for nothing. And how sincere was that, you gave me up through the old fashioned way, through a SMS! We didn't offend each other, I'm disappointed... How can you just give up on me as a pal for nothing?

You know about my life, but you don't know everything. I'd appreciate if you don't label my life because it ain't perfect and you're not the person to judge. God and I are the only ones who should and have the god damned rights to judge my life. I turned sarcastic on you because you turned your back on me. So be it. Don't self pro claim yourself with certain issues and if you do get into that psychology course that you've been talking about, good luck about that because you're gonna need it. Make sure you have a stable mind to go there because you don't even know what the hell you're talking about. Go ahead burn the letters, delete the pictures, erase the memory. I'd see you later in our lives. And stop talking, more action. T.O.N.A. (talk only, no action) Can't believe I'm saying this but.. Thanks for the memories as a friend and GOOD RIDDANCE! (:

Dear ********,

Did I got 8 * correct? I can't get angry lah, I'd still :) in the end. KNS..

Let me share with you (those who do reads this, does anybody else reads it?)
I like what Clive said, and here it goes...

'If you keep it to yourself and if it really expresses how you feel then it'd be alright' I'm beginning to like his theories and talk like him. Shitzzzzzz..

P.S. WOWZERS , DASANI!

2010-09-14T08:10:00.000-07:00

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.. (:

I hate seeing people cry, and it can just make me think of my own problems. I don't know why, but I still can put a smile on my face (:

'you are sorta crazy, yet controllable.' :D

Almost 10 years ago, I was in a school name East Spring Primary and it still stands today at street 33. I'm finally in touch with the old gang again, and I heard Nadiah's voice after about 1 year later. Haahahaha, hope to see all of you soon..

I wonder how I go through complications in my life sometimes.. :S

Dear youknowwholahor,

A smile for you, :D

P.S. WHAT AM I THINKING NOW?!?!?! FUCK LA!

2010-09-13T05:46:00.000-07:00

Little drummer boys...

WHAT LITTLE DRUMMER BOYS!?!?! My 29 year old cousin is a drummer, my first ever bf is a drummer, and I aspire to be a drummer too, but I've only got basic knowledge of it.

Seems like everybody today isn't in much of a good mood, neither am I. But my life philosophy is, just struggle for a bit, and you'd be just fine. And that's what I'm doing now, I'm struggling at the that struggle part. Anybody wanna help me out? Anybody?

I believe, all students had the Monday Blues today. For the whole 6 and a half hours of school today (starting from 0800, excluding recess time) we had only one rather proper lesson, I think... Maths. -.-

What's next for tomorrow?

After getting home today, I felt terribly sick. I wanted to throw up, but I just can't. I have to go to a doctor's soon... I hate being panic-ky

I can relate to Clive a lot now... Damnnnnnn, he's having a bad time. But somehow it's hilarious.. He got pwned!!!!!!! D: Sorry, dude... YOU DON'T NEED THEM! I CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!!! I just copied your emoticon! 8) 8x 8P 8D

To Clive: I hate your theory about waiting, but what happens in between the times when you're waiting.

I like the 'Heather' today... 8)

Nah, not really.

Dear R,

I'm glad that you broke the 'code'. I didn't really expect that you'd do it, but well.. OKAY! Since you get that message, I hope it seriously doesn't happen between us, because I still believe in you and me. I don't really know what I should do next, so please tell me about it. If you don't tell me about it, it's fine. I'm beginning to think likewise. I need some faith to begin with, and I want you to spare me some. Before you know it few days later, you'd be booking in. So what I'm trying to say is, treasure your time. Everything's so damned different now. I really do miss seeing you, and it's highly unpredictable on when I can see your face next, and even when I see your face I doubt I'd know what to do next, so I do hope to dream about you.

THE END

Coldplay - Fix You

2010-09-12T09:23:00.000-07:00

Fix You by Coldplay

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Can't we be better 'somebody's for each other?

2010-09-12T08:21:00.000-07:00

HELLOOOOOOO?!?!??!?!!?!!!!?!?!?!!?!??!!?!??!!

Can you hear the sound of my beating heart??!?!?!

My rage is definitely building up bit by bit, day by day. I don't know exactly how long I can take this, I'm getting rather sick. But something is telling me to hold on, because it'd be worthwhile. If you can only look inside my brain, to let yourself see how I think. Then you'd probably realize. Till today, I hope and should I say I pray (when I don't even know how to pray) that you'd come to your senses. Now I'm beginning to think if I'm gone, would it be better?

About less than a year ago, we were at Tampines 1 sitting by the open area, whatever you call it... And you look at our reflections, 'will it last forever'? My question to you now is, are you willing to do whatever it takes to make it forever? Because, I AM!

I still read what you wrote to me last Valentine's, sayangggggggg

P.S. Will tears really stream down your face after I'm really gone? What if one day you wake up, and you find that I've just disappeared?

Sigh..

2010-09-11T08:06:00.000-07:00

Same shit everyday...

How do I start off again..? Well.. let's see..

Wednesday
After my N levels was done, I met up with a friend which I made friends from Del's side, his name is Spiros.. And let's just say when I met him last Wednesday, I managed to do some 'unbelievable stuff'. It's a first in my life that I've done such a thing, and I'm glad that Spiros and I can both except the fact, and let's just wait for another 2 years or so and see if it really does take us to somewhere. It felt so good to thrash it out. And sorry, we thrashed it out at the top of our voices!

Thursday
I'm sorry, Clive. I cancelled on you last minute. D: Mom doesn't have gout!! WOOOOOHHOOOOOO!!!! Bloody SGH, make us wait for 90 mins, and the doctor only spoke to us for 10 mins... -.- And as planned, Clive, Isabelle and I went for a drink.. After that, we got a little tipsy and Isabelle could make it to tuition, unbelievable. And after that, I threw up my dinner.. zzz..

Friday
I paid my respects to my grandfather, and just that moment a year ago, I can never forget about that. 5 years went so fast.. And later on I went to gym with Kang Lin and Clive tagged along.. But since the gym closed at 5, we only went there for 30 mins. D: I went to 77th street to look for the UK bandana that I wanted to buy, and DAMNNNNNNNNN, sold out.. ):

Clive is getting annoying... He and his theories behind his diagreement to things. But of all his theories, I like his theory about descrbing the anger both males and females have. For the males it would be about who's the alpha male and for the females, it'd be us bitches biting each other :) HE OWES ME A CARE BEAR!

R.I.P. Victims of 9/11.

Dear good ol' whatshisname,

This should be quite simple, Clive advised me on using some codes but well I'd like to keep it simple. Decipher it, will you?

(13 9 7 8 20) (21 15) (8 1 16 16 5 14) (1) (1 14 25 20 9 13 5) (2 18 5 1 11), (25 15 21) (19 20 9 12 12) (9) (12 15 22 5), (12 15 19 20) (9) (6 5 5 12)

Some clues to make it more obvious.. It should be super easy..
A - 1
B - 2
C - 3

P.S. I HAVE SUSPENDERS, OI!!!

2010-09-04T08:11:00.000-07:00

Everyday I hope for you to put on a smile no matter where you are, what you're doing. And I hope it'd be that way for the rest of our lives. I put on a smile everytime because of everything that's awaiting. You're sitll as precious as much as always... (:

2010-09-04T05:04:00.000-07:00

Well, it's almost time for the first N level paper. We've attended 3 days of lessons with about at least 2 hours per day and I think I'm ready given with a B4 for my Chinese during prelims. After the paper, I gotta say goodbye to it, but I'm still gonna speak Chinese, use my chopsticks and bowl like a Chinese, read Chinese. And I'm never gonna forget about my grandfather's biography written and where my dialect group is from.

Clive and I contacted each other again not too long ago and I'm glad he's fine with a junior of mine (: He shared his stories/ encounters with me and even taught me 'Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo'. LOL slow at first, but I get it. I don't think anybody, especially your friends should judge you on your love life and then just back off from you because of what you do with the opposite sex. Cliveeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

I always have this rage in me ever since I was in a little girl, and I think it's escalating to a whole new level now that I've been on Earth for 16 years.

I don't really know what I really do want in my life yet, but I'm still on it.

Nothing much happened recently, except for the strong desire to have some things and same old school days accept for the fact it's about to end.

Stop crying your heart out by Oasis

Hold up
Hold on
Don't be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone
May your smile (may your smile)
Shine on (shine on)
Don't be scared (don't be scared)
Your destiny may keep you warm

'Cause all of the stars
Are fadin' away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Just take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Get up (get up)
Come on (come on)
Why're you scared (I'm not scared)
You'll never change what's been and gone

'Cause all of the stars
Are fadin' away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Just take what what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying stop your heart out

We're all of us stars
We're fadin' away
Just try not to worry
You'll see us some day
Just take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out

Thanks Faisal for introducing Oasis to Alfian, and thanks Alfian for sharing this song with me just when I need one the most. :D

P.S. You're all that I can think about all day and for what I volunteered on your shoes, it's a blessing to do that.

2010-09-01T07:39:00.000-07:00

Something bad happened to me today. I don't know if it's really me or you, but you'd always be the one I know. For what I said yesterday outside that clinic, I'm sorry.

Somehow, this blogskin is great...

我虽然帮得到我的朋友，但还是帮不了我自己。对于我在昨天的错误，我感到抱歉。我觉得，在一个人生气时，他说的话是不能相信的。你是否变了，我也不知道，我也可能永远都不知道，我也因此希望你还是一样不变。你对我来说还是一个很特别的男人，但是我不知道我还能够接受你的坏脾气。过了今天如果还是不便，我想说，我要在没有悲伤，没有痛苦，离开。。。

P.S. I love you

P.S. I love you is a great movie. (:

2010-08-22T08:36:00.001-07:00

Not much meaning anymore...

2010-08-14T09:24:00.000-07:00

I'm halfway through saving money for my very 1st Doc Marts! WEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I definitely got to show it off once I get money to buy them, but as according to him, I can only get a 2nd hand one, those brand news ones are just expensive. Maybe I'd get some clown shoes instead. Does Singapore sell clown shoes anywhere? O.O

Dear potential husband,

I'm glad to talk to you today over msn for quite a bit, and I do hope so that I can see you tomorrow... To add on some mystery, here's my thoughts in Chinese. (:

我希望明天真的能够见到你。我真的真的不想要能把机会给泡汤。

2010-08-13T07:32:00.000-07:00

I'm worried.. Am I really getting blind, like what the eye person (assistant?) said? I've been having like some sort of sight problems, my right eye is rather 'blurry', I gotta blink a few times or rub gently to clear my sight... T.T

I went to school today feeling a little different. Wanna know why, wanna know why? I had a can of milo instead of red bull! More healthy! LOL! I had it in class during the English mock test, and I pretty much took out some work for show, I was lying down and BAMMMMMMMMM! Fell asleep. Later on Mr Ng yelled that he didn't want anybody sleeping and yelled for Jan and Shahrul to wake up. But he didn't notice me at the corner back of the class. ^^ Chinese lesson after recess was being replaced with Physics, and what did we do again for Physics? Some questions, my paper was missing out a page on e.m.f. and potential difference, the circuit diagram. Don't know, don't care. I did what I can.

State 2 differences between velocity and speed, this question popped out for Ngee Ann Secondary's prelim paper that my tutor gave.

Velocity is a vector quantity while speed is a scalar quantity.

We had a Chemistry mock test again, I wasn't well prepared, tried to do, but fell asleep. xD

I head home after my session with wu lao shi, what do you expect me do to when I wait for Kang Lin? I was opposite school, waiting, waiting, waiting.. 1530.

So she and I finally head to the gym, feeling a little bimbotic. First time's the charm~ AND I WANNA DIG OUT HER EYES, BLOODY SHOW OFF..And we had to sign out at 1700. D: But we bumped into SUNNY! :D

And we went over to the library to look for Edwina, and that is when I got asked out by Spiros to go to town with your friend Q (he's sexy, really sexy with his trousers O:). I was rather happy, I didn't want to spend my Friday just like that. I went back home leaving Edwina and Kang Lin at the library when I got bad news.. I ain't going to town anymore. ): I was all ready and the sad part was receiving news when you're ready to go out. I even got permission to go from parents dearest. -.- And so I went back to the library, talked a little. Not a little, rather much. Ahahahahaha.

And my day just ends off like this, what more can you expect?

Dear Rasssssss,
I suffered an anxiety attack today after my recess at 1030. I'm shaking, sweating, feeling nausea. I got a missed call from you. O: Hope it doesn't mean anything, I'm pretty sure you dialled the wrong number. Did you? Hyperventilation too. Abnormal breathing, heart rate too fast. I hope you have the time of your life with YOG and you won't .......................................

P.S. WHY MUST YOU LOOSE YOUR SNEAKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Toot toot.. -.-

Minority

2010-08-12T09:02:00.001-07:00

I want to be the minority
I don't need your authority
Down with the moral majority
'Cause I want to be the minority

I pledge allegiance to the underworld
One nation under dog
There of which I stand alone
A plead in the crowd
Unsung, against the mold
Without a doubt
Singled out
The only way I've know

'Cause I want to be the minority
I don't need your authority
Down with the moral majority
'Cause I want to be the minority

Stepped out of the line
Like a shiverance from the herd
Marching out of time
To my own beat now
The only way I know

One light, one mind
Flashing in the dark
Blinded by the silence of a thousand broken hearts
"For crying out loud" she screamed over me
A free for all
Fuck 'em all
You and your own sight

I want to be the minority
I don't need your authority
Down with the moral majority
'Cause I want to be the minority

2010-08-12T07:55:00.000-07:00

Let's talk like we're English, shall we? Hahaahahaha. Johnny Rotten's voice is stuck in my mind, and he's English. I absolutely adore their accents. The irony is that when they (Sex Pistols, Muse)sing, it seems like they've lost their accents.

Today in class, I did some Maths, got back my English. My class did this mock test few weeks before. It was a Springfield 2008 English prelim paper for NA. I've got 35 over 60. There's the results for you, if you you do bother to come over to this page to read up on what I've been doing. If you do bother, what a sweetheart. :D I've got 28 over 50 for Social Studies, that's a first. :O I've got greater confidence in Geography, and I really do hope to pass Humanities. That'd really really really be a first. And I really liked what Mrs Tan said today about the small conflict that happened. Not siding anybody, but she did made her point about how you should react when you're really angry. I'm finally beginning to see the wise side of her. HAHAHAH!!

Alfian and I fought again today. Maybe we're really great friends, that's why we're meant to fight? Syafiq and he wanted to walk with me to 7-11, but Alfian got pissed off and he was yelling over the phone. And he walked away, Syafiq chased him. Maybe it's because of her again, that's why he's behaving that way. I thought it was the only right thing to do when you feel pissed off, walk away. He and I just made up a few days ago, and he was like finding fault with me again? Cut me some slack, Das-man. He was pissed off with me now that I didn't do anything, wow! It isn't the first time for me, I got used to it. But I'm so sick of it. We still made up finally.. Just stop being so ignorant. I'm not somebody who you can vent your frustrations on. What I wrote to you was a 100% percent with true feelings and thoughts. If you think that's a fake, then don't fucking want it from me in the first place then. And thanks for wishing my life would suck very much and be meaningless. Thank you! I'd always believe that after fighting, there's always something to learn and bit by bit, we can understand each other more. But who am I to say it?

While walking home, Desmond msged.. I really, really, really didn't expect he'd really be coming over. But hey, you've gotta meet your friends! Sorry.. O.O

Dear Razzzzzz,

How are ya recently? I'm sure you have something regarding the YOG tomorrow, since it starts on Saturday. I wonder how's your thoughts right now. I'm rather scared that you'd forget me, but I don't think you will. I told my 2nd parents that I've really got a boyfriend, boyfriend when I was semi-drunk. I really missed you, and I believe that after every episode of fighting, we'd understand each other more, and well love is indeed patient and understanding. I hope you'd talk to me soon, because I don't know when this little 'vacation' ends. I hope you miss me as much as I do, because I hope that I'm that 'She's the best girl I ever had' The Clash sings for I fought the law. It's from a song, one of my favourites. You must have gotten a lot of spare time now for YOG. Well, see you when I see you again~ Will you tune in to this blog, actually? But I'm very sure you're asleep now. It's 11.46pm. If you're not asleep, what would you be doing? I'd be heading to Pasir Ris next week, to relive everything again. (: I really really won't want you to see so annoyed with me, so.. THE END!

P.S. Happy Birthday again, Spirossssssss!

2010-08-11T07:32:00.000-07:00

School resumes today after 5 days. And it was such a drag today... We had PE today, and to start off the day, we needed to do some school quality survey, as usual..

Down to ACE, the teachers had to settle some administrative problems with those nasty SGCs that were repeatedly being written by us. Later during Maths we sort of had 3 periods of it, and our mother tongue was being used for Maths. The idea wasn't productive at all, we were talking and some of us fell asleep. Some of us like me. :D Meanwhile, wu lao shi took time to call us out to tell us what was our problems with chinese. I told her that I really hope to do well for my chinese paper 1, I really did memorize the format for 报章报道.

Physics was a drag too, thanks for demoralizing me again, I'd prove you so damn wrong. I'm gonna work hard for it, and you're not gonna get credit for it. I don't think I'm worth your focus. POA zoomed passed too, and it started raining heavily during Physics and even till we end our lessons for the day.

I was wondering how the hell am I gonna get out of school without being soaked. But well, half way through my walk towards a old friend, I bumped into Hafiz and somehow or rather shared the umbrella with him. For just less than 5 minutes only. ): I should have ask him to over to the school gate, but I didn't. D:

So I went home straight to change up, and met Juju! After that, he went through the past year's retrospect in 2009 and 2008. He was commenting on every girl he saw. Some were nasty and some were nice. He even told me interesting stories. AHAHAHAHAHA!!

There was this short programme about YOG earlier today, and it reminded me that YOG is just starting this Saturday. Wowerz. This is probably the longest time that I didn't see you, talk to you. If you're wondering how I'm doing recently, I'm fine, I guess. I've been trying to do some work for my prelims which ends on next Thursday. Physics, Chemistry. And I am still waiting for you, I'm not changing a single bit. I hope it's worth the wait. Maybe it'd just groom my patience.

P.S. I'm going blind. REALLY.

2010-08-10T07:17:00.000-07:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Everytime I go out with my parents, my friends would msg me at the wrong timing. I was at town today somewhere behind Raffles City and a msg read,

'Where you?'

'Town'

'Oh.. Enjoy yourself. I'm at Tampines ah, thought you at home...'

WAHLAOOOOOOOZZ!!!!! But well, at least I had something today at this Italian restaurant with my 2nd pair of parents. We stayed there for nearly 4 hours after that buffet lunch with my relatives (mom's side).

Hooray! I just wasted my weekend like that.

Happy in Advancement for your birthday this Friday, Spiros!

All I can do all these while during the weekends and today was to think of you, Rasty Floorballerzzzzzzzz

I miss youuuuuuuuu and it's gonna be a week since I last saw you soon.. )':

2010-08-08T09:36:00.000-07:00

I adore the Sex Pistols. It wasn't easy when Glen left, but they still made it. 'If Johnny was the voice of punk, then Sid should be the look of punk', Right you are. You don't find bands like them nowadays and they inspired bands like Green Day. Amazing blokes.

Sid Vicious. You're just wow, you know? Many people wondered why did you take your own life, maybe because Nancy is dead. No matter how horrible Nancy was, you still loved her. What a sweetheart.

To me, music makes the world go round. If it wasn't for music, I won't be around. And thank you, Green Day for saving me from my way of life three years ago. Deep lyrics that depicts everyday life. You three made me realize that I should be a individual, and I am a individual living as a minority.

Tre Cool, you insipired me a lot. 3 years ago, this was in my mind. 'I wanna be just like you and everything can fuck off!'

If it weren't for music, I'd still be a emo kid, regretting my desicions.

2010-07-09T05:30:00.000-07:00

Hi everybody, Heather Foo is in a daze right now.

Scenario 1
Rasrimin has no work today but prepaid is low. He received my msg but couldn't reply. Maybe he went home alone from Choa Chu Kang and not with his friends, causing Heather to be lost. Now he's back at home on the lappy on his bed, and fell asleep with internet problems causing him not to online. And Heather is in a daze, because the radar in her mind broke down due to unforeseen circumstances.

Scenario 2
Rasrimin supposedly has no work today but got called back last minute.

Scenario 3
Rasrimin is just too tired.

Scenario 4
Rasrimin went home alone with his phone switched off because of low prepaid and he was asleep during the journey. He went back home and got called to get dinner for family.

There is just so many scenarios in my mind. How does it feel like to meet somebody you have decided you want to be with and not be with somebody else? I have guy friends, and I'm around them to cover up the pain. What pain? What pain do you have, Heather? The pain of missing somebody dearly, and not knowing what he/ she is up to. Ever felt that way? Hi 5!

Dear Rasrimin,

By the time you read this, it might be a few days later or so, or maybe a few hours later after this post is published. My thoughts really are confirmed today and I have to face it. After the whole ITE college West is merged as one in Choa Chu Kang, this means that I'd get to see you lesser, and lesser. After school, I go to sleep on my couch getting ready to go out. I hold on to my phone to sleep making sure I won't miss your calls or smses. Well, I always feel the same darn thing occasionally. Do you feel it? You know, when we first met and stuff, we each had like a 'radar' some part of us knowing what we think, what we feel, what we want, what we're doing and where we are. This 'radar' must have malfunctioned. My pain can go away with a snap of my fingers, but it doesn't seem to get better.

I've been told what to do and what not to do all my life, and I just want to find what I believe. That is why, maybe I should go MIA. I wanted to sit under tree infront of your room window. I wanted to sit there and wail loudly that I want you now. I want you to hold me like you never did before, I want you to kiss my bruises, I want you to know how different I am, I want you to know how fucking different I am from other girls that you can ever know. I don't want to loose you. You better don't think about letting me of me again, because I'm not gonna do that and you better not think of it. This time can you come back and sing to me?

My worst fear is here, my heart is dying. You know I love you, and I do. I want you to remember it always. I hope your heart is not like mine too, because I believe that there is hope for my heart to be revived. Please, please, please revive it. Do or say anything. I just need that. I need that reassurance. I don't want other guys to revive it for me, I want you to revive it for me. Please? Please just stop getting it in your mind only. Please do something. Please. I really do hope you are trying. I know you have time. I know you do. I'm a big fat sucker for love.

Please revive my heart, because I can't help myself now... If I don't pick up your calls or reply you back mean I'm on MIA.

Love you forever, Rasras...

Help me..

2010-06-27T07:19:00.000-07:00

School is starting tomorrow.. HAIYAAAAAAA

School is starting, which means it's one step closer to N levels.. Which also means, I'm gonna get out of school soon. xD

On the last day of school, I woke up at 1330... I had a embarrassing moment today, I wore my shorts the other way round. -.- And I even went to TM with rasras and passed by so many people. DAMNIT! And after that, I sent him home. So he was comparing about the number of times I sent him home and the number of times he sent me home. Of course he sent me home more, I'm his girlfriend! Maybe we should switch our positions in each other's heart, yeah? :D

And after that, Syarr came over to his block and the 3 of us talked for awhile. And I was wondering if the 'ice jelly' he bought melted... AHAHAHA! And he'd be away from my sight again next week.. And I hope he'd be carrying a lighter or something the next time I see him again, so that he can light up my heart because it feels really empty and cold... I don't really want to spend time with my friends anymore, I want my time to be spent with you. But I don't think you're thinking that way. Whatever I said, 98% of the things I said to you, you don't seem to listen. I'm not a superwoman girlfriend or what, but I do have my feelings... And I want you to feel them. I really need some time and attention from you badly. Whatever I want to say to you gets stuck in my chest and it's so hard to pour it out to you. The telepathy between me and you seems like it's malfunctioning. WHERE ARE YOU NOW?

Dearly beloved, are you listening?
I can't remember a word that you were saying

I hope you are listening.

So Syarr and I hung around, and went to a salon to get her hair cut. A few snips for 10 bucks. O: Later on, we crossed over near school to meet JUJU. JUJU, syarr and I just sat around waiting for Del. But he is just forever late. After syarr went off, JUJU accompanied me to wait for his reply because of a stupid thing he did. After JUJU went off, Del reached and we hung around again. And he sure is weird, he can just tell me ANYTHING. Tell him A, he'll talk to you about Z. I did something mean to him, while he was crapping at the sunplaza park toilet, I dumped WET TOILET PAPER into the cubicle he was in. AHAHAHAHA. 3 shots, but only 1 shot hit him. xDDD He told me a lot about his Penang trip stuff and I sure do hope to get to go on another trip with my schoolmates to a foreign country. Hearing him talk makes me think about the times where I was in Vietnam. A memory that I'd never forget.

And yesssssssss! 4A2 changed PE teacher!!!

2010-06-23T08:58:00.000-07:00

Syarr and I are thinking, are we mistakes to the ones we love dearly? Sometimes girls just need attention from their significant other, even for the most damn matured girls you ever know.

For what exactly is the attention I'm talking about? I'm not talking about those girls who are attention seekers, but those who really do need some listening ear to listen to them whine.

I might be really very matured to you, indifferent from other girls, but please, please, please I do need attention too. GET THAT IN YOUR BRAIN!

I'm getting rather pissed off today, my dad made a impromptu decision on getting the air con servicemen to come over for his air conditioning unit in his room. For my air conditioning unit, there wasn't any problem, because I don't use it often. xD

What I'm trying to say is that, its not that I don't want to wait for the servicemen, but it was really out of the blue. I heard mom mentioning that you'd ask them to come over on Thursday, but after I made plans with my classmate, you told me to stay at home instead. So, fine... I stayed at home and tomorrow, I have to stay at home too. Please just don't make any dumb impromptu decisions.

I've been wanting to tell you this... And I'm pissed off deep down on Tuesday, because you choose not to listen. It's true that I'm still a little girl, but hey, I'm gonna end secondary school life at the end of the year. I might never know how tiring it is for you to work, but I do admire you on that. No work = no money, that's what you said. Sometimes when you're just free, I'd really LOVE to have you by my side. I don't want to drift apart from you, the feeling sucks. I don't want a silent breakup to happen. I need you always, and I want you to know that.

It's so god damned hard to even get you over to just chill and have some drinks. You won't even spend a single cent, what's the big issue here? You told me that you spend money like water, but have it occur to you that you DO NEED TO spend the money on your necessities? Have nice talk with your mom, and everything would be cleared. If you don't, do you think it can be solved? Do you even want the damn problem to be burdened on you even when you get married and live outside? TALK TO YOUR MOM. TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL. If you don't, what's the point of doing all these stuff for her? If you don't clear this up with your mom, and keep whining about it to me, I can listen to you whine all day, but can you? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. TALK TO YOUR MOM. Well, I don't know your family, BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW THAT HEATHER FOO EXIST, AND THAT SHE IS THE GIRL WHO LOVE THEIR SON SO DARN MUCH THAT HE NEVER COULD HAVE IMAGINED IT.

I'm always there when you need me by your request... And even right by your side when you don't need me by your side. But why aren't you by my side when you need me just for the most simplest thing by getting breakfast? Or even sending me to school? To be frank, I just love it when I rush out of class when the bell rings to cross over the road to see you. And I curse and swear the moment I missed your calls. Do you know how much you mean to me?

How long must you wait for it?

You are the best thing that has ever happen to me, I saw all the 'choices' my mom mentioned... And I still want you. I thought that I was the best thing that ever happened to you, but it never did show... I thought I was someone very different from other girls that you would be a different guy. Quit saying that you know, you know. What do you know? SOLVE THE DARN PROBLEM WITH ME, DON'T SAY NO.

Life is full of Uncertainty

2010-06-22T06:59:00.000-07:00

Things change very unexpectly always, full of uncertainty. There's much tension going on between me and some people who I used to be friends with them dearly. Like what Qian Ying said, hating somebody is really tiring, and I do agree with her.

People change really unexpectly and I think I lost my best guy friend from class. He said he change and when he feels like talking to me, he would. Wtf? I thought we were friends, how could you just change overnight? The phrase, 'I changed...' is really strong, and I hope you know what you meant by it. You're such a snoob now, and I hope you realize it with your new attitude, jerk... Nice talking to you.

Its about time I did something to me and her, and when Mr Goh talked to me last night over facebook, I realize how important this can be. There has been a whole lot of tension going on between me and you and I'm sure we did share a fair bit of hatred between each other. After all these years, I must congraulate you for being so successful in NPCC, while I'm not. And for your speech during our POP, I thank you for still remembering me as part of squad 4, 2010. I know I cearly suck at my own profession, and I'm just myself when we have trainings, I'd change for myself, not for others. And I'm just glad that some of the sec 3s know do respect me for who I am, not for my rank. Does it occur to you on why the juniors do respect you? Is it because of your rank or just because of yourself? Just so you know, the picture that we first took together in the no.1 uniform for 080808, is still on my frige, but I think it's about time to take it down, right? Honestly, I always have this feeling that I want to catch up with things with you, but I just can't do it. It's like when I see you, you're already so happy with the boys and it just make no sense when I start talking to you. When I first see you hang around with the boys, I'm glad. And well, I am sorry to you and all others that my friendship with you just can't workout. Maybe it could, but we just don't bother. I'd really love to settle this matter between you and me, but there's just this force in me that pulls me back. I really don't know if you'd turn into a bitch against me when I want to resolve it, it's just so uncertain. I never could have imagine this but, yeaaaaaa, I sure do miss the times with you.

I had this family dinner thing on Saturday, and I'm amazed with myself, I can't seem to speak a word to my cousins. My dad really want me to bond well with them, because the fear of his only daughter being alone in the world after her parents is gone seems to haunt him too much. And I predict that when the time is here, and my parents are both gone, I am gonna be all alone in the world and when I do have problems, I'd turn to my friends. Disaster.. And and and, I do want to do something about it too..

My mind is about to rot.. T.T

For all the thoughts and nonsense that I gave to Raspberry, he still can accept it. What a guy, what a guy... And I like Raspberry now, sweet, sweet name. Great meaning to it too. AHAHAHAHAH!!! There's been a lot of frustrations going around me now, and sometimes, I just want you and I to solve it together, it's what's best. And I thought of a new line! I love you way so much that you never could have imagined how much I love you. (((((:

I WANT DR MARTIN'S BOOTSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

2010-06-18T07:03:00.000-07:00

Do you know what's wrong with me? Well, I don't and I'm still trying to figure it out. This afternoon, my mind was suddenly overwhelmed by so many thoughts. Thoughts that I couldn't care less about. I felt really alone and my greatest fear is to be alone, because I'm a only child. I grew up alone, while my parents are away working. Till I die, I never ever want to feel alone. That is why, cherish your siblings. Being a only child is still awesome to me, but being alone is overwhelming.

2010-06-16T07:56:00.000-07:00

I feel rather better now, after last night. Doesn't somebody out there now how I feel?

Happy Birthday, Shu Xian! Take good care, be a great mom to yuanyuan. June and I hope that he grows up to be a sweetheart.

Today was rather a slow day for me, but now that it's night, it's fast. My sleeping time has been turned upside down, and I sleep only at around 3 or 4 in the morning and waking up around 1 or 2pm. I had two hours of tuition today, and it was indeed productive! Unforuntnately it was for chemistry only... I went to cut my hair today, and though it wasn't much of a difference, I still like it. It's been 6 months since I cut my hair, and well, it's worthwhile. But like what the christmas tree headed person say, the hairdresser can't stop talking. The way she talks is like yelling at your face. Previously, our topic between me and her was about hairstyles. Today's topic was more sensitive, about religion. And I like her hair colour now, ORANGE!

So I bought some alocohol swabs today for my ear, and yessssss, it belongs to a first aid kit. But heck, I found many uses for it. :DDD

WOOHOO! 25th ANNIVERSARY CONCERT TOMORROW AT ESPLANADE!

2010-06-15T11:12:00.000-07:00

I'm getting frustrated nowadays with myself, and I just simply hate the feeling. Everytime I feel frustated, I just wanna put on the nicest clothes that I have, and meet some new people. But well, that doesn't always happen... I'm sorry, there's is just something deeply wrong with me, and I don't know how to handle it. I was really bumped when you told me you don't ever need it in your life anymore, it affected really badly till now. I don't even know how to approach you on this matter, and nobody wants to listen. Even if they do, I have yet to find the solution. I don't want to let this spoil everything that we have right now at this moment. Maybe I'm just not used to it yet, but I really do want you to know and realize how hard it is for me. Can't you just realize it? I am strong, but not all the way through. PLEASE REALIZE THIS PROBLEM INSIDE OF ME NOW

2010-05-30T07:04:00.001-07:00

YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S A BITCH! AND YOU'RE A ASSHOLE!

Sometimes I wonder, how do guys tolerate such bitchy girls. They're like some minature chihuahuas who always needs maintenance do their looks. -.-

I've been wondering how I should define 'friends' in my own dictionary. My dad told me some stuff which were rather nasty today and I disagree with what he said. I'm an only child, when I have problems I turn to friends for help. You still need friends at a point of your life, and I do treasure them. It's like whenever, wherever you need me, I'd be there and I know you would too. This is the kind of bond me and Syarifah share, and I truly do treasure it. Same goes to my wonderful friends too, like June which I met her today. It's wonderful to know that I still know her and we stil talk after 5 years of knowing each other. We share a beautiful bond together and I never want to break it apart.

I met June for today and we talked for quite a bit saying how we strong we were as friends, and I'm sure she doesn't want to break the bond too. Friends are definitely a important part of my life, and I hope my dad respects that and that I don't want to be some loser sitting alone all day at home doing nothing.

I enjoyed today with him, and we were like fighting in the middle of tampines mall.. LOL? And I nearly got a broken neck.. ):

2010-05-23T08:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Rasrimin,

I'm glad if you see this, and if you don't, then well, it might be a secret. Trying to except that you do exsist in my life makes me feel like I've been a long, long dream. The way we hooked up is simply unbelievable to me even till today, after 7 months. You weren't exactly the guy that I was dreaming about or expect, but you are who you are, and I love you for that. I don't know what is about you, you're just so wonderful to me. Many of my friends said that we won't last till this far, and well, we proved them wrong. And so, many of my friends are happy for me because I have you. My juniors can even ask this question, 'How can Heather's boyfriend and her stay together despite the difference in religion?' This might be something special, right?

The way we met is really unbelievable, because of the fact that even though we knew each other over the internet, we didn't expect that we lived so close to each other. You are pratically like a dream come true for me, or is it? Though you deny this always, I never did imagined that we'd fall in love immediately.

When I lost my motivation to study after getting a experience of nearly getting retained, you found the motivation back for me to study. I was really touched by what you said, and you gave me your report books to look through whenever I want to give up because you didn't want me to be like you. No guy in my history of living in 16 years ever helped me on it. And of course, I was touched by what you said and do so it did motivated me to do well in the beginning of the year.

I met you when I was only 15, but till today I ask myself, what is it about you that is so special to me? Well, I don't know about it. I will never know and neither will you. Maybe at the age of 15, I had already possessed the maturity to think about this and so many I've experienced so many different things with different guys. You were a simple guy when I met you, and till today you're still the simple guy. Life can be simple if you want it to be, and I'm glad that this is how you want it to be. Whenever we argue or quarrel, you'd end up smiling, that's how sweet we are, right? That's what happened to my dad when he quarrells with my mom.

I just can't express how I feel now towards you, and it might be too early to say so especially nobody knows what's gonna happen in the future. The future is highly unpredictable, and well, life is indeed full of choices. Make the right choice, and you'll have a awesome life. But if you made the wrong one, I'm sorry because one horrible thing might lead to other horrible things. And in my life, I did make the right choice of being with you. Don't argue back with me now, because I love you so much that you can't even know how much it is.

When you broke my heart about 2 and a half months ago, I came to realize how fragile we actually are, and I cam to realize how precious you are to me. It actually gives a 'preview' of how I would be like when I live my life without you. I was screaming in pain, as the pain just won't go away from my heart. I just hope that you know, think before what you say and stuff. Till today, it creates a very big impact on me.

I say things to you that I normally don't say to the opposite sex, and for what I said to you, it's definitely true. And I'm seriously glad that you can except me for who I am, despite my past with those flings and affiars I had. My past is something that I would never forget, because it made me of who I am.

I love every single thing about you, and even down to you being pissed off at me. I now know what I can use against you when you're pissed off. And don't forget what I gave you for Valentine's Day!

My point of saying all this is because I want to let you know that even if there's a day where we go our seperate ways, you'd definitely be stuck in my mind for a long, long, long time. This is how special you are and how you make me come to realize things in life. Like what you said, sometimes you won't dare talk back to me when we argue, but hey, if you're unhappy, please speak up. If you don't nobody will ever know how you feel and why'd you feel so unhappy.

I want to say so much to you always, but just by looking at you warms up myself and I just feel so fuzzy when I hold on to you. I wanna say that, when you say you won't ever leave me, make sure you don't ever leave me. If you think that you're going our seperate ways in the near future, it's best for you not to say it at all and just enjoy this time being together. I'm not trying to hint anything here, but I just don't want you making empty promises.

Being with you is the best thing ever yet, and if we really do have a future together, I sure do hope that you're ready to fight for what you and I believe, and not just give up with a snap of our fingers. If you don't have a future together, it's alright to me actually, because just one day, I have to except it.

I love you more than you do love me. :D

2010-05-22T09:14:00.000-07:00

I had full of thoughts all day long in my head, especially after I passed out. And I'm glad that nobody comes here, so I can say whatever I want.

Dear Squad 3 of 2010,

I love you guys all dearly, I really do. I lost interest in NPCC a few months ago, and I ask myself, what is about NPCC that I enjoy and why am I even here with you guys in full uniform? Well, NPCC is just another CCA to enjoy, it'll be a great memory for me when I graduate from the school. And I especially wanna thank your squad for it, because you are actually the motivation for me to stay on because I wanted to improve you guys, and teach you my grandmother stories. You guys made me realize that NPCC is just another CCA and that it's the people inside it, that counts. You cleared up my mind.

It's rather sad that I've been with you guys for less than 6 months, but hey, I'm glad that at least I know all of you by name, and you guys respect me for who I am, and not because of my rank. I'm here to gain your respect, and I finally did. As I pass out on Friday, you guys were really stuck on my mind.

Also, I understand that some of us from NPCC, seriously don't respect NCC at all. As you might have know, in our school, NPCC and NCC has been enemies way before we were in this school, and I just want you guys to equally repsect NCC like how I respect them. Disliking NCC or even looking down on them is really useless, because it's the people that might have spoilt the image, not the CCA. They're just as fun as us, and we are in no position to look down on them.

I hope you guys really do remember what I taught you, even if it's just a little bit. I do hope that I did made a difference or a change in your NPCC lives.

THANK YOU!!

3 and a half years of NPCC is now gone, and whoaaaa.. I'm very touched with what Sir Steven said.. True, we have to begin a new chapter in our lives, and well, I just found that 'new chapter'. He's in my heart all along.. ;)
Well back to normal stuff now...

I am rather bothered by how everyone around is today. If you can't or don't want to, just say no. Is it so hard? See first how, let you know later always doesn't happen. If you sincerly do want to say it, just say it. Don't say for the sake of saying it. Zzzz..

Isabelle hurt my feelings.. )':

2010-05-15T10:46:00.000-07:00

She hurt my feelings.. Somebody slap her.. )': She called me a tagboardless person. But not having a tagboard does have its pros and cons. And I just don't like to have one, I'd like to be the minority. :D

A lot of events has passed and I'm sure gonna miss them. Especially NPCC with squad 3. T.T I don't know about them, but there is just something about them that made me feel in love with them even though I don't take charge of them. What is it about squad 3 that I adore?!?!?!!!! I hope to see them turning into somebody great in the unit in future. Be it in unit or what, I hope to see them becoming a better person. OH HOW I MUCH I LOVE YOU!!

Today was a rather boring Saturday. But well, somehow I'm happy about today because I made Clive scream like a little girl. AHAHAHAHA!! Surprise, surprise, CLIVE! xD You owe me big time.

School resumes on Wednesday for me and I must say... From Thursday after the LC, all the way at this point of time, I had been doing POA. SURPRISNGLY. It's after the mid years, and I just couldn't care less about the mid years. I did half of my POA 10 year series and it feels like a accomplishment! WEEEEEEE! I'm still gonna get screwed by Ms Ng, so errrrr.. I DON'T CARE?!?!?!! I'm just doing what is right here, so yeaaaaaa..

ISABELLE TAN HAI NING, WATCH ME AS I REVIVE MY BLOG!!!

Annual UG Camp

2010-03-15T11:30:00.000-07:00

ALRIGHT!!! Here I am now, typing a post. I have nothing better to do, so here I am. :D I can't believe that I'm in new foyer now using a laptop, typing this. Well, tomorrow or should I say, in about 4 hours 15 minutes, the new batch of secondary 1 cadets are going to report at the new foyer at 0645. Qian Ying and I have yet to sleep. LOL.

The advance party was going rather smoothly, but well we used the opportunity to observe squad 3, and things aren't so good. One thing, they need to get used to leading and they really need to pay attention with the information being stored in their heads. They're a squad of lovely people, but they have yet to learn a lot of things for what it takes to the a cadet leader.

And well, I received a call from my special somebody later at night, and it definitely wasn't something that I expect. I mean, I do expect a call from him, but it's just that I don't expect such a type of a call from him. What do you mean by such a type of call? Well, he was unhappy over some of his work related issues. What to do? The only thing I could do was to rather listen. If such people don't exsist, somehow the world would be a much worser place. Cheer up. Usually when I'm upset over such issues, the only thing I could say to myself would be, what for go so upset over such people? Eventually, you'll be happy again in the near future. And I told you about it, so I hope it works for you. I love you, asshole. (: And I found it so fun when we can finally see each other over msn. FUN LEHHH!!! I LIKE IT, I LIKE IT! xD Well, after the session over msn, I hope it cheers you up. :DDD

And awww.. The guys are feeling cold, huhuhuhuhu.

CAN'T WAIT FOR A FEW MORE HOURS, NOTHING BETTER TO DO LEH, T.T

Yesssssss, it's been awhile.. ^^

2010-02-22T07:52:00.000-08:00

Whoa, last update Jan 28th. I've been too lazy, but not too much. I want to confess something, I didn't study much, but I'm seriously surprised by my results. Everything's going my way now. For the first time now, I passed my Geography and Maths. For Maths, it wasn't a just pass, I got 20 over 30. But for Geography, I got 11.5/20. When Mdm Yue called out to my name today, I got rather scared because she yelled out my name on her high pitched tone and well, I thought I did really badly. Syafiq said I would go up there with a stoned face and came back with the same one. ONCE AGAIN, I WANT TO EMPHASIZE, I DIDN'T EXPECT TO PASS! But well, it's a good start. In your face, ANDREW LIM!

I feel a really great sense of accomplishment for what I did for the past 2 months, since Feb is coming to an end. PYA, Chingay, CA1, Chinese New Year Decorations. It'll be a really pleasant memory.

I learnt a very big lesson today, that is, NEVER HAVE A SUPER DUPER FULL LUNCH AND FALL ASLEEP. I got a really bad stomach upset when I went out today after my lunch at home. Well, eventually it's settled with some pills I bought. It's like a two-in-one pill to me, suitable for gastritis, stomach upset, indigestion and many more actually...

So I went round the 3 malls that Tampines has with my lalling today and I bumped into Acap. Not Acap the pony, but Acap the rugby one. Stupid sia. -.- And we went to the Times Bookstore today, and I found 3 potential books I wanna get, ~weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee but it's so expensive, at least 20 to 30 bucks. But it's useful, I wanna get the Nostradamus book tomorrow. It's really what I'm into for reading. People might not understand why I wanna read it, but well I'm just interested in it. What the book is talking about MIGHT happen because of Nostradamus' prophecies. I'm so gonna share this with Mike... ^^

You know, (especially for shidah and Syafiq S.) I gave my supposedly boyfriend, but husband my gift to him last friday before my chingay. LOL! What I predicted about his reactions was really true. But well, I want him to bring it around with him always because well, we get pissed with each other often. It's a love hate thing to me, because I love it as it'll make our relationship stronger, and I hate it because I often have to be pissed off. I love you so much, and nothing can deny it. You know it, so don't act dumb. But what I wrote in those slips were really mushy, and I never did something like that before. But it's for you, and I hope you cool off in an instant when you get pissed off. Maybe you brought out the inner me because it's the most meaningful gift yet that I've given to somebody I love. (:

panda

2010-01-28T06:33:00.000-08:00

I survived 3 weeks of school without attempting to sleep in class!!! Weeeeeeeeeee!! I used to be so sleepy in sec 3, but perhaps like what shidah say, I changed for the better. Less hours sleep = more energy in class, weird huh? But my energy always go to laughing at something which is so not funny. Curse Rong Yun today, make me walk rounds and rounds around our group. So much for being 'divine'. Mr Ng was rather 'cute', he left a doodle drawing on my English paper just because of my dumb answer. Hey, I nearly got correct, it's just that I phrase it wrongly. :/

I clearly didn't have enough sleep from last night after doing the CSSP project LAST MINUTE. I fell asleep as usually and I woke up at about 10+, Edwina smsed me about it and well, Qian Ying, Edwina, Nabilah owe me a big one. No CSSP project = no badge = no chances Staff Sergeant rank. I had clear dark rings when I looked into the school toilet's mirror, Jia Hui got a shock, haha.

Well, I finally went to the photo shop shidah mentioned at Tampines 1. I printed 67 pictures and out of 67, 13 pictures are bad ones. They're spoilt (not clear). And I know why, and I so regret doing the lazy way. I could have saved about $4 ): Even my baby's picture which I wanted to print was spoilt. Damn it laaaaa, I wanna go print again. I've promised my 'non-straight' people that I'll pass my cards for 2nd monthsary on Monday. To think of it, I think Khalis is a true curve, I mean... The only reason why 14 people got together in a foreign land is because we're not afraid nor shy to express ourselves. Call us immature or disgusting, but at least we have more fun than you. But it seems like as time goes by, they're going inactive. I so miss our memories in Vietnam!

And well, I so look forward to HRC. ;D Faheem and I were talking about it over msn yesterday, and I'd like to see Asyraf completing one course. Just one. I miss the campsite, most importantly, I miss my group 2 and my songleaders!! I still can remember what the TO said to me when I was running around getting ready for the 'campfire'. I miss STC!!!

But you know, being away is tough for me. I won't be able to see my christmas tree hair boyfriend for days. Yeah, it's true I have fun, but the price I had to pay was to be away from him. Sometimes I feel like bringing him around wherever I go. He always tells me stories whether it's about his work, school, classmates or some encounters in public. But it seems like I can never tell what happen to school to him. LOL! I BELIEVE that he listens, but it's just that he's PRETENDING NOT TO LISTEN TO MAKE ME PISSED. :D And sayangggggg, I can't afford a floorball stick for you. I'd rather I bring you to Universal Studios in Sentosa, it's opening on Feb 3rd. And it's something special, so why not? I love you no matter what too, and it's not random. :D

3rd month!

2010-01-19T05:55:00.000-08:00

Today is our third month anniversary. IM so F**king happy that at last i get to see her wearing the high waist skirt that i bought for her. She damn F**king hot and sexy that many guys were staring at her. HAHA!. I love you baby!

On the 9th day of school, my true love sent to me....

2010-01-14T07:34:00.000-08:00

On the 9th day of school, my true love sent to me...

A video of him playing floorball! Ahahahaha, he told me to upload it so yeaaaaaaa, fine lorr... He's fast in the video, but I believe he's even fast when it comes to his tournaments, perhaps? He's the guy in his white, red, navy jersey, the only odd one. Easier to spot. :D

Ah well, it's the 9th day of school, it's Edwina's birthday too, so yeaaah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Class was okay, and I actually enjoyed Maths so far till now since the beginning of school, same goes for English. I was actually very proud of the paper which Mr Ng gave us as practice, the comprehension questions I did were just simply full of satisfaction. Take that, 4A2!!! Ms Ng talked to us suddenly about after sec 4NA life, and it was either Higher Nitec or Sec 5. Though I think that she's a freakin' bitch, but what she said has a point and well, I do agree with her.

I was suppose to meet Shu Xian after school supposeldly at 1355, but she was late, and well yeaaaaaa, we eventually got what she wanted at 7-11. And hahahahaaaa, I sorta 'scam' her money, it could actually cost cheaper, but I got the expensive one for her. Who ask her lahhhhhh... Zzz. She went to my house for a short while for the toilet, and well, I browsed through her iPhone. I AM SO JEALOUS. She talked to me about how she was in school today, and lol.. It's still the old Shu Xian, forever talking about the same stuff. I know exactly how Wei Hong suffers, just like me and June always.

I fell asleep straight after she left for only about 20 minutes or so, before I changed up to the MRT station. I feel so heart brokened, my boyfriend mistakened me for another girl just because she has some similar stuff like my bag and shoes. Sighhhhhhhhhh, so heart brokened. *BOOHOO! And I finally got the chicken which I crave for at Tampines Mall, costs me $3.80. :DDDDDD I also got a Big Gulp today, and awwww.. You actually wanted to get a cup full of the drinks for me that you overspilt it to your right hand.. AWWWWWWWWW!!!!! I love you (: I LOVE YOUUUU!!!!

Alerrrrrrrrrr.. Squad 3 sorta slow siaaaa, especially those NPAP participants. They cheat my feelings! I hope they'll be just alright for NPAP. That's simple to achieve, right?

I guess my day just ends like that.. And well, it actually feels really good to sleep for about 5 or 6 hours per day. Ahahahaha! Maybe perhaps of this, I get high easily during class, laughing to myself. And I caught Reinald today, AHAHA! His reactions are just like Javier's CLASSIC! Hahahaha, just stone there, I'd like to thank Danial for the idea which he did on Eevee. I got my inspiration from there. I wonder who's my next victim, definitely not somebody from 'DD'.

And siannn, tomorrow would be the longest day. After school, NPCC, after NPCC, PTM. It's for my own good, so why not...

Why do you always chase after me for my blog? I don't understand!!!

**Due to technical difficulties, we are unable to upload any videos for today, and maybe in near future. Sorry for the inconvience.**

Stupid Sony Ericsson W980!!!!!!!!

10 days after 2010

2010-01-10T07:48:00.000-08:00

Well, it's Sunday. I went to this Malay home at Eunos with Rasrimin's friends. I have no problem going to the place, but it doesn't feel right because it's like I'm the extra. But well, it's kinda nice because it's the first time I'm seeing such a home in Singapore, and not many people get to go in it. I heard that they usually don't open up to public, but well..

I got attacked by the children sia. Zzz. They are just a bunch of playful kids, annoying. I hope my kids in future aren't like them, that's all I hope. LOL! And during their photo taking session, I had 2 girls sitting on each of my laps. Their butt bones are so pointy. -.-

After the visit to the home, he and I went on to Suntec City to watch a movie, Alvin and the Chipmunks 2? He even joked saying why not we watch Alvin and the EXPENSIVEmunks 2. Lame sia... But well, at least the tickets are free. :D During the movie, there was this weird guy sitting next to me. He was alone, he looks like a foreigner. He kept using his phone, and he didn't put down his bag. He kept sitting at a slanted angle too. When I peeked to see what he was doing with his phone, if I'm not wrong, he tried to record part of the movie. Imagine a police officer sitting next to him. Ahahaha! And it's been awhile since I had popcorn. :DDD

After the movie, we went to look at Cotton On again, it's like from time to time, we look at Cotton On's merchandise. Cheap what right? =D While heading back to the MRT station, it was rather weird... It's like some sort of smell made my boyfriend, a proper fit guy dizzy. It doesn't work for me, but weird. I don't smell anything, that's the thing! Zzz. I got some milk from 7-11 today too!

I'm actually feeling happy that your work got cancelled, but well of course there's the good and bad point to it. Good thing is, we finally got to watch another movie together and the bad point is, you don't get to earn any money. And seriously, the thing that is so magical about you to me is that, when either you or me quarrel or argue, it doesn't seem like we're in a argument or we're fighting over something. It's like, yea.. I know I did/ say something wrong. But it just doesn't feel like we're fighting at all, and perhaps this is the beauty of you. Sometimes, it's hard to differ from you being mad and just trying to fool around with me. But well, this is just truly something nice about you to me.

RASPBERRYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!
Ahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

I love you =3

I wasn't ready for 2008, and 2009 came by and now it's 2010

2009-12-31T09:42:00.000-08:00

Alerrrrrr.. It's 2010 now. 2009 was a awesome year, I guess. But I wasn't ready for 2009. I gotta admit, I have the holiday mood through 2009. Now that I experience the taste of nearly getting retained, I really gotta study. And I feel so blessed to have and know Rasrimin as my boyfriend, he motivated me to study back, no doubt about that and I know that I shouldn't thank him, because he's my boyfriend, but I can't express how grateful I am to have him. I love you, dear~

Sometimes, I wish 2012 ain't true. Me and Isabelle and Khalis were talking about it. Our lives would be just wasted. I told them, if 2012 is really true, you'll see me turning into a Muslim before I die. I wanna die of a drug overdose, at least I'll die happily. LOL..

For the year of 2009, I've been through these things, these various events in summary of course...

January: CCA Bazaar, NPCC fitness test (PASSED! :DDD)
February: I pierced my tongue before Secondary 3 camp, secondary 3 camp, made friends with Iqbal, Acap (JYSS), Hakim and Shahril
March: Got SGT rank, Secondary 1 UG camp, my birthday, bumped into Iqbal and friends in Pasir Ris
April: Area 9 Games Day as referee, NPAP
May: Birth of my godson after getting 'sexually harrassed' by his parents, Green Day's 8th studio album was out, 21st century breakdown!!!!!!!! (I went to the Heeren's HMV to get it, okay..)
June: Various NPCC courses, Police Knowledge, and.. I forgot.. -.-
July: Can't remember... Did I met Shahril a couple more times in July? -.-
August: Did I got my SSGT rank in August? -.- Met Ineza for the first time after 3 years.
September: On Sept 15th, my grandmother's birthday, my grandfather passed away peacefully on that day. How sweet can they be?
October: I met the love of my life after my mom's birthday, how wonderful is that? (: I love you, Rasrimin!!!!! NCO Course 2009 as coordinator (sadly, nobody knows)
November: Survival Training Camp at Pulau Ubin as emcee for the campfire night (: Went to the Vietnam Trip, that's how I met my darling curves! :D
December: A somehow, so called wonderful reunion for songleaders. But a fun one for Khalis' birthday! XD

Next year is a senior for me in school, yeaaa.. It's gonna be like any other senior year where there's full of lectures for assembly, like how to study well. For now, all I wish for 2010 is to pass my N levels, and that's all I want and hope for.

Soooooo.. I spent my day pretty much at home. June texted me to say she can't meet e for lunch anymore. Sad siaa.. I was polishing his leather shoes with the classic way of a cloth, kiwi and droplets of water. But it didn't work, guess these leather shoes aren't meant for it. And my dear, I know you're gonna serve some rich ass and you wanna look your best, so I stayed up to get it done. Lucky I bought some leather shoes product. LOL! I'm gonna miss you today~~

My dad called for some contractors do fix up some stuff at home, and they spent about 3 hours for it and I had to be at home all day to watch them. While they were doing, I received a call from Yong Sheng, he called to ask how I was, and he told me he's worried for his sister. Well, I'm sorry that I didn't sound concerned enough, there were some renovation works. She's a tough lady, she'll make it through. And ah sooooo, I went to lepak for a very short while after everything was completed with Khalis and Danial under my block and they bought headbands. They look like some bapokes going to the gym, but seriously, they look nice. Coconut trees.. :DDD No sarcasm or what, it came from the heart. After we went off, I headed to 7-11 for some stuff and I saw Jason, I wanted to ask him for some stuff, but guess not. :D

And at the last hour of 2009, I spent it with my mom having MacDonald's as supper. xD I think I did a great job around the house today, so proud.. ahahah..

I can't wait for the 1st day of school now, down with those teachers who wanna get their homework. -.-

I also want to name 2009 a revolutionary year in my life even though it might be too early to some people. I met the love of my life, Rasrimin and it's soooooooo awesome. It's been countless times since I have such a post, but I just wanna say it again. (: I finally met a guy whom I asked, 'where have you been all my life?' Hahahaa, it's sorta silly, but it just feels so good to be with you. You are too good for me too, my dear. It seems like we're both too good for each other. I have tears of joy when I think about how you and I started. You touched my heart always. Most recently in Popeye's when we had lunch. You know I don't really know how to get the meat off of the bone and the chicken was steaming hot, yet you helped me get the meat off. I can see it was quite tough, the chicken was really hot and yet you helped me with it when you can continue happily eating your lunch. You touched my heart for that and the same thing goes to when we were in Changi Village having Nasi Lemak. Where can I have another Rasrimin like you? >< color="#ff6600" size="5">what's mine is yours, and what's yours is mine too.

You know, it's still funny and I always feel so 'wow' when I think back of our first conversation over msn. And how we say we wanted to stay up late to talk to each other. It's just amazing, it's like a fairy tale if you tell somebody we know. And you said that you blog on my behalf before new year and well.. It's new year, so you lied! ): KNS~ But well, it's never too late, right? Oh yeaaahhh! I wanna officially declare what BASTARD means.

Best
At
Saving
Trees
Always
Rasrimin,
Duhhh!

Well, of course there's other versions. This is one of those which I like, I'm a very environmental person after all.. xP Since you found out what BITCH means for me, I found out what BASTARD means for you. So you're a BASTARD, and I'm a BITCH! :D Alerrrrrr... I really love youuuuuu.. I'm so grateful to meet you, so happy to know you. And till today, thank you for not pushing me back to somebody since you say you thought of letting me go before because of him. To me, you're truly somebody awesome in your own way, and I can't express how much you are to me. You are more than the world, the oxygen that I breathe in. LOL! I'm beginning to get your literature thingy, I guess.

I LOVE YOU MY LOVE RASRIMIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12 more days till the holidays end?!

2009-12-23T04:52:00.000-08:00

School is starting really soon, with less than two weeks to it. The primary 6 students this year registered themselves in their secondary school today already. Qian Ying smsed me in the morning and I was awake for awhile because Shu Xian and her smsed me at the same time. And pretty soon, I fell back asleep. I initially thought that I would be meeting her for lunch with the CI next year who's in charge of sec 3s. But well, turns out that it's only me and him. I also finally got my shoes, and it cost me 20 bucks. Next year's gonna be a exciting year, I guess. I hope I get sent to go to NPAP. Base on what my little pony said, he, Luke and I will be the squad I/Cs for squad 3 '10. I can't wait for Games Day as well for area 9! AHHHHHHHHH!!! I miss being the referee.

I just came back from meeting 'Rusty' as that's what Hariz calls him. Hahahaha. He wore my black shirt, and he smells nice to me... LOL! I love him, and I'm lucky to have him, I can't express it out. But is there any good way to express it? I love you!!!!!!!

Thursday: X'mas dinner at Yishun
Friday: Christmas
Saturday: Food shopping with Irfan (NASS), Danial and me (maybe Isabelle)

Which reminds me... I GOTTA GO BACK TO SCHOOL ON TH 28TH and 29TH. I guess I'll be 'running' at noon, I have my reunion with my songleaders, and I miss them so. Especially Rico. Hahahahaa... Not forgetting my curve people.

december 18th, 2009

2009-12-18T08:57:00.000-08:00

Today's December 18th. It gives me about two more weeks left of holidays. I went back to school after about two weeks to finally get my school books. I'm left with 20 bucks now. Zzz. And I wanna admit something to the whole world!!! I asked Rasrimin to follow me, because I'm too lazy to carry the books myself!!! But I've got a real excuse, my left shoulder would hurt again if I carry heavy things. But secondary 4 books aren't that heavy, because there's less books to get. It feels good to see a guy who you love so much carry it for you. He's fresh from his sleep, and dang him, he used reverse psychology on me. I thought I was late to meet him, but in fact, he was still in bed! But what gave him away was that he hung just like that, and it actually gave away the truth.

I got back my green shirt, but in the end, I wore my black out. I look kinda nice, hahahaha. I feel good today. As promised, I got Shu Xian KFC. From Tampines all the way to Punggol via taxi. Costed me $8.80. What to do.. She's craving for it mahh... After eating, and we did a little bit of talking by the stairs. And I fell asleep on her mattress for about an hour. I only left their house at about 1630 and headed straight for the LRT...

Tomorrow's the 19th already, and it's Sunny and Amanda's birthday. It's also the date number on when I got together with the love of my life, Rasrimin. It's been two months, already???! IT felt like forever with you... Probably it's because we try to meet each other whenever it's possible... I just got off from the phone from you, gotta admit. I'm a little pissed. I have a friend who does that too. I guess I gotta TALK to you properly about it. I don't want you to be like some sick guy who keeps on doing it. And ya, I'm worried about that. It can lead to so many other risks. And I don't know what to post... Zzz... So I've decided to do this!!!

Heather is posting very diligently
Heather is posting very diligently
Heather is posting very diligently

Ah, lazy to type...

i'm sorry

2009-12-14T06:20:00.000-08:00

I feel bad, and what my dad said was really right, the things that I want to say don't go through my brain, it just comes up frm my mouth straight. I did said something kinda hurtful to my boyfriend a few hours earlier before, and for that, I feel bad about it. I'm sorry, my dear. I understand about your other commitments, and well... I really shouldn't compare with you to him after all, I keep claiming that I know all about it. I'm sorry, and you shouldn't apologize anything at all, because I'm the one at wrong now.

I went to Eastpoint Mall with my mom today. We were there to finally see the chinese sinseh that she always prefers. But when we reached the clinic, it was closed for their own lunch break, and they'll only be back at 1400. It was about 1300 when we reach. And I was hungry and I can't wait for my dad to reach Simei. So I suggested to go to KFC which made me 10 bucks poorer today. I bought my mom her favourite BBQ cheese meltz mah... But I forgot about her tea. -.- My dad came soon after and we went to the basement for their lunch. The lady behind the counter looks rather familiar, but I'm very sure that she's the lady back in primary school at the canteen. My dad went over to the clinic to get a number for my mom, and it was about 2 hours later till she gets her turn, WTH?!

When it was my mom's turn, my dad and I had some drinks. He then showed me his handphone (He uses Samsung Omnia, that explains the email then I'm gonna talk about) which had a email being sent by a long distance relative of mine in China. I really have no idea how he's related to me, but I heard he's my grandfather's youngest brother. He's the man behind my grandfather's biography. Well, I read the email, and it was like a updated version of the biography, it's extended to the whole family tree. I read part of it to kill time, and it's kinda nice because our date of birth is included so I found out that my 5th uncle is 57, and my 5th auntie is 56 years old. :OOO. And well, my oldest cousin is 40 years old. LOL! 1969... Nice year. And my dad's born in 1959, wow... But yeah, all of the words are in chinese. I'm not shy to say this but, I understand it. xD I can read the characters, but I don't understand what it means. -.-

After my mom was done, my parents and I argued (not angrily or violently) all the way back to Tampines. My mom finally got her groceries at Tampines 1. But well, I chiong-ed home to get the stuff that I wanna lend/ give Rasrimin. He's gonna need it! And he better take it, if not... ^^

And well, I met his friend, Hazmi ( SO NOT FROM PRSS) today, and ah well, he's nice, he told me about some STUFF. But I still don't know why I walked around the perimeter of Century Square and Tampines Mall. LOL! Funny thing about my mom today is, she can't stop laughing. So I guess that explains why her daughter sometimes can't stop laughing as well. When I got sent home by Rasrimin today as usual , and my mom was at home. I usually look downstairs from my living room window and somehow my mom knew that I was looking downstairs for somebody and well she was just giggling and looking downstairs with me. She kept asking, 'where, where?!' Hahahaha, it seems like my mom wants to know more about him, but he's shy. Awwww..!!!

And my dear, Rasrimin, I WANNA JUMP ON YOU!

I'm sorry about today, about what I've said. I just love you so much, and sometimes... I understand it... But sometimes, I feel like a kid, I just want to thrash it out. I'M JUST SORRY ABOUT TODAY! And I know I hurt you for what I said, I'm sorry... >.<

Now, back to business my dear.

HAVE YOU EATEN YOUR MEDICINE AND APPLIED THE ANTISEPTIC CREAM TO YOUR KNEE YET?!?!?!

i think i'm gonna cry soon!

2009-12-13T09:19:00.000-08:00

I'm getting rather emotional these days. And well, I just got off the phone with Rasrimin and after hearing him cough like hell, I think I'm gonna cry soon. That's what you get what you're too much deep in love, I guess. He's sick and well, I have to do nothing about it.

Isabelle texted me early in the morning, and well, I remember reading it. But when I woke up, I thought it was a dream. But when I check my phone at about 1pm, it wasn't a dream, it was true. LOL! She wanna go get something, well, I'll get it for her instead.

For the first time in my life as well, my dad wanted to have dinner at KFC. SURPRISING! We went to walk around soon after and I saw some really familiar faces... I was with my dad, and I didn't know whether to say hi or not, later he question me who they are. -.-

Irfan and I talked for quite a bit today, so for now, the only bbq food place (there's a proper name for it) is at Telok Kerau. WTH? It sounds rather familiar, it's like where he got the food for his class chalet where I attended it last September. But I feel both bad and good attending it, because I met Muhammad and Izwan and got to know them more but I feel bad because I made use of my grandfather's death. Sigh...

And you know, usually 100 days after a persons' death, you gotta go pay respects to him/ her. On Dec 29th, it'll be 100 days after my grandfather's death and I gotta go pay my respects to him at my aunt's house which is at Bukit Batok. Wth, I'm having CIP in school for all secondary 3 students on that day, how the hell am I suppose to go? As for paying respects to my grandfathers, grandmother and uncles, I never miss it. Even if I can't make it, I'd always rush to the place. So, I see that I'm gonna rush there straight after CIP.

I feel so lovesick now... -.-

SEEE LAH!

my blood is boiling twice

2009-12-12T08:56:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling way better now after a few mouth fulls of it. Hahahhaaaaa, and I'm still alright with it. Acap was talking to me just now over MSN and I must say, what they did is really too much. They should really find out the truth first before pinpointing you. I believe you, my little pony. And all the curves will definitely back you up.

And over a few minutes just now, Valerie talked to me over MSN. It was about Rasrimin smsing her. But what am I gonna do about it? Well, I don't know. She's my senior and he's the love of my life. I know you guys hate each other and I just hope that it affects none of the relationship I have with you, Valerie and you, Rasrimin.

I feel so much better now and if you asked what cheered me up? Well, I guess part of the credit goes to Isabelle. I confided in her. She's a darl, my darling Isabelle! xD That's why I say I love her, no regrets about it. What a great friend she is. :D

do you think that i'm paranoid?

2009-12-12T01:20:00.000-08:00

Imagine my eyes being all big and bulgy looking around. CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?!

Once in awhile, I'll feel paranoid and have wild and insane thoughts going through my mind. I can't describe them. It really feels weird... That's why I don't think that I'm normal, but weird instead. And it usually happens when I'm bored. Very bored. This feeling sucks a lot to me. I can't help it. And it'll continue till tomorrow, because it's a Sunday. I'm gonna say this for the very first time, I miss school. School keeps me busy in a way, but sometimes it just disrupts me from meeting the people whom I wanna meet. Also, it's a definite thing that it's going to continue throughout the whole December.

I'm also bored to tears now, but in a way, I'm happy. I made it till evening but there's still another day. And well, maybe to cut short my pain of boredom, I'm gonna try something tonight which my mom bought for me. But I don't think it helps, I just hope it makes me fall asleep till tomorrow late afternoon. It's either lime or orange, which one should it be?

URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!
This feeling is driving me nuts. It's the 2nd time I'm having it actually. IT'S LIKE HAVING RANDOM WORDS BEING YELLED OUT IN YOUR MIND.

It's just sucks... I'm bored to tears.

DOWN WITH THE MORAL MAJORITY!!!!!!!!

Maybe I need something that starts with the letter 'n' to calm my nerves. I can get that anytime I like, but WTH?!?!?!?!?!

I'm just gonna end this post like this because I'm gonna do my wild and insane thoughts.

Before I forget my daily dosage of saying 'I love you' to Rasrimin, well, I LOVE YOU!!!!!! BUT I'M GOING HAYWIRE NOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take good care of yourself at work, I hope your grandmother's fine now and she's doing well. Let's not forget that she also wants her grandson to take good care of himself.

boring.......

2009-12-11T08:23:00.000-08:00

Fridays are getting boring. I miss NPCC, I miss the timing for marching, I miss the CIs' commands, I miss the running!

Ah well, I managed to dress some wounds today. It's my first time, and it's kinda fun, but I got scolded, 'fucked you!' multiple times. -.- Still say that you're not scared of pain. So well, we traded bags and I've got his PURPLE Dickies. I like his bag now, dang... I wrapped his wound with some gauze, and it's funny lahhhhh. The wound he had is suppose to be not wrapped. His wounds are sorta serious. Abrasions, and it covers quite a big area. But it's gonna heal first then the main wound. It's been hard on him. Hahahaaaaaa. I went back home straight after I met him in the morning and I fell asleep on my bed when I got home. I woke up at about 11+ and my mom fell asleep too on the sofa. I guess the falling asleep thing runs in the family. I had lunch soon after. After awhile, it was time to meet him again because he finished his excursion and he's on his way back to Tampines for work.

When I was about to go out of the house, my mom nagged. Sigh... She said she's gonna kill me if I continue going out everyday if I don't study hard next year. And I had to wait till she's in the bathroom, I can't let her see Rasrimin's Dickies bag if not, she'll be questioning me. I love my mom a lot, but sometimes, I just can't take her nagging. It's too naggy. She just nags the same thing all my life. Do all parents nag at the same thing? Ah well, that's why I was late by a few minutes. Just by standing and waiting for the bus at the interchange, I saw some friends: Aqil, Zuhri, Asyraf (primary school classmate), Nabil (3A1), Nabil (Eevee), Faidhi, Shahrul and Alfian (But he ignored and walked away)

About 30 mins later or so when I got home, he called me to apologize. Yeah, we nearly quarrelled and usually, I'm the one who will talk back, but surprisingly, I didn't. I guess that we both didn't want to, but I gotta admit, my blood was boiling when I saw your smses. But when I meet you, I don't feel pissed, amazing. LOL! It's like, 'ah, never mind. It'll be alright.' And I didn't expect you to call to apologize. How sweet of you.. ^^ And I spent about 9 hours alone at home. I was bored to death. I can't believe that I watched TV all the way. WTH? But well, in between, I was doing some insane things. xD Some insane things that only Rasrimin know... ^^

At night, I did a little bit of sms to Sharifah and CI Yongsheng about the gathering thing. It's going well. I talked to Zuhri and Shahrizal a little as well, I asked a few favors of theirs to call up Don and Wei Shan. So we talked for quite awhile about the gathering. Shahrizal is so gonna die. Hahahhaaa... I promise them that I'll be introducing some of my friends to them, and I guess maybe Danial will pounce on them. LOL! Zuhri's okay, but Shahrizal's lazy. He didn't want to call others. KNS!!!

Can anybody tell me why I'm drinking Red Bull at midnight?

dec 28th, pit 28

2009-12-10T07:11:00.000-08:00

Irfan from Ngee Ann was kinda annoying. He texted me before I went to bed at it was at about 0250? He's like a little bastard, LOL! Annoying.. But he quoted to be about the past, present and future. It was from Kungfu Panda, he said.

My mom was at home today and I was suppose to bring her to the chinese sinseh, but the sinseh is fully occupied even till tomorrow. So, for a alternative method, she's gonna visit her old sinseh on Monday. So she and I went to the supermarket to get some stuff. Before that, I paid for the BBQ pit and my mom paid the bills at the AXS machine. When we got home, I fell asleep soon after and she did too. It's the only best thing to do when I'm waiting for him at home, what to do!

Sooooo yeah, at about 4pm, I got a call.. He just finish his lessons and he got 70 or 78/100 for his role play. Not bad leh.. We sent Hafi home, all the while she complained that she wanna shit and we said hi to Hariz. Hahahahaa, he looked kinda shocked. My dear boy Rasrimin fell today while playing soccer in school, and it's just so cute lah. I can't help it but to laugh when I think back on the way how he tell me he fell. Hahahahhaaa.. I wanted to pull him to Guardian today, but he keep rejecting it. His wound affected the way he was walking and he kept saying no. I know he's not pampered, and he don't need his girlfriend to pamper him. That's what I like. But the way he walks make me feel like I'm dumb. I'm a qualified first aider after all. I got my certificate in October, and I didn't practice first aid on anybody for 2 months now. ): I wanted to practice some first aid, but I only get to do that tomorrow morning before he goes to school. In my opinion, he fell partially due to his fever. It's so sucky to know that your loved one is having a fever and had a fall in school, causing a bad wound in his knee. URGHHHHHH!!! What should I be doing? I love him so, and it just so happens that his girlfriend is a qualified first aider. And he just don't wanna take care of himself and it's worrying his girlfriend. Worst thing is, he has work tomorrow! DAMN!! I bought some throat inflammation medicine for him today, I think he got some throat infection. Whatever he eats and swallow like liquids hurts his throat. So yeah, I think it's the best medicine. We even had some chicken at KFC and that's where I learnt his brother's a medic in NS, so he has some first aid supplies at home, and I hope the chicken doesn't make his throat get worst for him. T.T Now I feel guilty for even suggesting to go to KFC!

We met Isabelle shortly later after 8pm near school. She was on a bike with her friend. It's just so fun to disturb her, her reactions are really classic.

Now, talking about the songleader gathering, I'm getting a little pissed off and pai seh. Having the original idea was really dumb. Sharifah and I talked through, and we have a more alternative and CHEAPER plan. Everybody happy now? It's like.. Some of you guys want, but I just can't contact everybody. WTH! I'm so gonna book a pit for the songleaders close to my friends'. We're gonna share the miscellaneous stuff, save costs, SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT!

Please take care of yourself tomorrow, and I look forward to dress your wound... ^^

RASRIMIN'S SICK!

2009-12-09T05:48:00.000-08:00

I'm worried now. It's like rushing against time. I wanna complete these two tasks for him. 1. Get 10 charity's contact details to him and send it via email. 2. Complete this blog post, if not he'll feel uneasy to go to bed. He's sick now, and I want him to get better. He's like prone to fever, but I'm more weaker physically, why didn't I get a fever instead?

So well, I went to Pasir Ris today. I met Isabelle and I bumped into Delvin and Putra, they went jogging I guess, but it was 10+ in the morning, the sun is kinda hot. Well, so we went to meet the others in MacDonald's and we had our breakfast/ lunch there. We went to Vivien's house for about an hour or so and my laling Rasrimin called, and he's sick, but he wants to talk to all 13 of us. LOL! Weird request, but now everybody knows him. Hahahahaaa.. So we roamed Pasir Ris a little and I got told off by this FREAKING STUPID GUY WHO DON'T LISTEN PROPERLY, Khalis got a new barbell. We took 3 back to Tampines and I met him. He's kinda warmer than usual, clear sign of fever. And it's kinda true about how our hearts communicate, I found him in century square! It was the right path.. :DDD Seeeeeeeeee..!!!!!!! Hahahahaaaa. And at the end of the day, there's only Effa, Isabelle, Danial, Khalis, Rasrimin and me left. So Danial and Khalis went off and so did me and Rasrimin, he needs to get his rest. But I met my mom before I went home, her staff benefits are here.

It's so unexpected that I called directly to some of the songleaders about the last gathering. For now, I gotta get the St. Hilda's people. And it's so unexpected of him to get sick. He was well the day before, I just knew it in my heart. Maybe it's really true because he didn't wear my jacket. See, this shows how important my stuff is to him. His ITE shirt is with me for now, it's like a drug. I like my own brand of heroin. xP I really do hope he gets well, it sucks when your head is feeling heavy with your body feeling weak. GAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! I love him so, I don't want him to get sick. I DON'T LIKE!!! )':

Dear Mr Rasrimin Sir,

On behalf of Heather, please have swallow 2 panadol before you go to bed. It's for your own good, she's worried sick. She would also like to yell this out, 'I love Rasrimin!!!!!!!!'

Sincerely,
Heather's heart

:OOOOOOOOO

2009-12-08T07:15:00.000-08:00

I had 8 hours of sleep! HAHA! On and off, I was suppose to meet Syarifah today, and well... I did met her today. Rasrimin and me had a hard time finding her block. And when we were at he block, she told us to go somewhere else. Well.. She wanted to talk to me about Del. I can understand why Del is doing this, I experienced it myself. After that, she went off and I think she was jealous about me and my dear. HAHAHAHA!

Soooo yeh.. we took 21 back to Tampines and I head for the toilet. I gotta go, what to do? And it turns out that the 'long sleeve shirt' you wanna buy from the concourse is a short sleeve one. LOL! And I finally had my lunch at 3 or to 4+. I bumped into Aisyah and Iskhandar as well. After that, we went to walk around... And we bumped into Acap and Iqbal! It's been months since I saw them, and Acap had this weird look when he saw me. Wth... And I feel kinda bastard when I saw too bad to Iqbal when he said Ezza lives in Jurong.. xD Well, it's good seeing old friends.

We went on to Popular, I just wanted to take a look at my school books, I just wanna see if they're available, my mom told me to just check it. I'm gonna get them next week. And I went to BHG for my mom's groceries, she asked me why Rasrimin didn't come in. Well mom, he shy.. What to do.. LOL!

Merrily we'll roll along, roll along, merrily we'll roll along, over the deep blue sea. I miss that song.. ): I've got a sudden crazy idea to do to my Rasrimin. I wanna make him to a NCO written test paper. I've got extras. But... Ahh.. NEVER MIND!

continued...

2009-12-07T06:52:00.000-08:00

It's draggy, yeah.. I know.. It feels so good to type it.

The year of misery: 2008 and early 2009
I guess many people want to know how I was last year. Especially about these two guys. Well, I fell for this guy when I got to know him. When I knew him more, I really didn't know that there is this such person as my squadmate. He began calling me and we talked more often. It was the annual area 9 games day and I remembered we bumped into each other heads. That was when something occurred to me that I might be falling for him. So on that day, I told myself, I'm gonna take my time. If I really do like him, I'll bump into him at the interchange. I had to pick up my name tag at the army shop and the only bus there was 22. I took my time on purpose and guess what? As I entered the queue for the bus, I saw him waiting for his bus. I yelled out to him immediately and yeah, it's confirmed, I'm in love. I even texted Syarifah about this and even she can confirm it. That was the moment that everything began. So it was about a month later then we're together. We don't really go out much, except for occasional movies. He's sweet, sure he is. We often argued a lot. Whenever we argued, I would always confide in the SI back then. He's such a warm figure to me and I can really count on him a lot. Between he and I, we don't even talk or say hi to each other in school. But as for the SI and me, we're freakin' close to each other. He was like this warm and fuzzy guy to me. I know the SI likes me a lot, but my heart was with him all along and not the SI. As usual, we continued to argue a lot and tragedy struck on one afternoon when I was asleep. He called and yeah, we went our own way. I was depressed and I went to look for the SI downstairs. That was when I lied to myself about being over him. I was still in love, I had to forget him some how. Things got ugly a few months later when my senior, Amanda told me about him brainwashing me. It hit, me. Now everything makes sense. I know why he and I quarrelled so much. He started it all and influenced me to that. I was very, very disappointed with the SI. But who am I kidding? He did it to get me. He said, 'I can't look at you getting hurt by him anymore. And you love him so much. I had to do a little bit of brainwashing to wake you up. I like you for a very long time.' It was really hurting to hear such a thing. I like you, but why did you make my relationship fail? Why did I even bother to get in contact with you? Why did you made me notice you back in 2007 when I was a cadet and you were a staff sergeant? As you all know in NPCC, you go for a SI to a CI. And soon, this SI finished his O levels, time for him to go for his CI BTC in December. Somewhere between November and December, I decided to isolate myself. I had so much time to think. I kept my handphone on silent and whenever somebody called, I won't pick up. I would check who called at the end of the day. I would sleep at about 6am and wake up at 6pm, this was how scary my life was. It's like being a owl. This definitely didn't carry on. When it was his CI BTC, I decided to make the best of it, and I sent him from Tampines to HTA when he book in. When he books out, I would go to HTA for him. I wanted to make 2008 the best year for this soon-to-be-CI. Soon enough, I've had it. I told him to get the hell out of my life in December during the NPCC chalet gathering. The hurt that you felt equals to how much you hurt me. I really do like you, but I can't except why you did such a thing to me. I needed to take a good long break and get over him. In early 2009, I suddenly remembered about you. I was healing for quite a bit. I gotta admit, I wanna know how you did for O levels and which school you went to. So one day when we were in NPCC room, I knew it. I gotta talk to you. It was really awkward, really. I had to put on a mask to talk to you. I knew you missed me and so did I. It went well, and shortly after, I found myself finding lame excuses just so I can talk to you over the phone and text you over small little things. And when I first saw you in your CI uniform the CCA bazaar, I felt a strong satisfaction from it. I remembered how I used to tell you off when you wanted to give up to be a CI. But well, look what you're wearing now. I'm proud of you as a CI from our unit. Very, very proud. I asked myself a lot of questions about you, am I ready for you? Are you really the one for me? Am I gonna except the fate about you? Well, I answered yes to the questions. Pretty soon at around April as you left for Redang on holiday, I found out, I love you, I really do. It's like we're so used to each other's companionship and there we were, being together. There was once, I remember I was depressed. And you offered me to bring me to the movies. When I asked you about it the day before, you said you gotta attend Area 5 or 15's ATC/ STC. My mind blew apart, it was just the next day. You broke your promise. I got even more depressed. I felt so numb and I remember that we were shouting over the phone you being in Ubin and being back on shore in Singapore. It felt like what I did for you wasn't enough. I remember how I brought food to you when you were sick and it was at least twice, how I wrote those mushy (that is so not me) notes for you whenever I see you. It's like what I did wasn't enough. I know you appreciate it. You know, when I saw you for the NPAP trainings earlier this year, you were the one who made me wanna go for the training. And you were the one who made me wanna go for it. I still can remember you stupid smile to me when you look down from the grandstand at me when it was time for 'pandang ke-kanan, pandang'. And how you would stare it me when you were with you contingent 1 rehearsing. I would always get teased by area 9 NPAP participants. It definitely felt good to have a CI boyfriend. Few months later, you found me with my classmate at my house. He hugged me, and you saw it. I know it didn't felt good, you were really pissed off. That was when my dirty little secrets got found out soon, bit by bit. I was wearing our ring when it happened, this showed how much 'care' I had for you. I remember why I got the rings, it was because I want to remind myself constantly about you, that's why. And I got more in love with you when you accompanied me to visit my then sick grandfather. I remembered how you hugged me when I broke down in front of him about my grandmother. In my heart, I said, this is all I need. And when I met your friends, Izwan and Muhammad, they told me to take good care of you no matter what. But what happens when I don't know how to take good care of you? I wanted to. It turns out that I lied to myself being happy with you, I lied.

The mixed feelings, the thoughts
It's really good to have a CI boyfriend that you can look at during training. But why do you have to be so controlling? What is is about you and malay guys that you don't like me talking to them? Honestly, I gotta repeat this. I don't deserve you a single bit. I cheated on you with 3 other guys. When I had you, I had him and another guy. This is how 'playing' I am. I didn't care, I wanted to look for the things that I didn't found in you. I found it in other people instead. These other 3 guys are so unexpected people. Seriously... I was thinking, is it because of the fact that my previous relationship hurt me so much that it turned me into a bitch that I am today? I knew deep down, I love you. But what the hell am I doing? You can't imagine how much guilt I felt when I was with you, when I met you, when you said I love you to me. I feel good and sometimes bad to see you. Till this day when I see you, I still feel guilty. The guilt never dies even if you say you forgive me. But so what? What done is done and I've learnt to move on from it. Lillian deserves you.

Dirty little secrets
There's this song 'Dirty Little Secret' by the All American Rejects. I like this song a lot. In the song, they're like happy to have it but in reality, dirty little secrets are to be ashamed of. This song taught me a lot. I always believe that everybody has dirty little secrets. I have a few that I shared with some guys. I cheated on my ex boyfriend, that's why I left him. Some guys are from a really good school and some well, just came from my school. There are truly very unexpected people, and I don't understand, why do I always get involve with UG people!? Some of them had girlfriends of their own and they feel guilty. Well, these secrets I have with them, some of them they told their girlfriend and some till this day kept mum. I regret having secrets with them, but some are sweet. I'd always remember them as a good memory and not a regret, it's like how I remember my first serious relationship.

Green Day
I love Green Day, I'm a very big fan. XD I'm a fan for about a year now, and I own about 5 Green Day albums. Well, during the period where I isolated myself, I listened to a lot of Green Day's music. Some of which the songs, I can relate to. Green Day was part of my healing process, that's why I grew to love Green Day. Their songs can relate to every day activities. That's what I like. Music to me now is essential, and I listen to Green Day everyday. I live by to their song, 'Minority' because I believe in believing the minority. And yeah, fuck those who don't. Green Day is awesome to me, and that's why I love their music. From my own past, I can relate to them with a lot of songs like, 'Wake me up when September ends', 'Jesus of Suburbia', 'Give me Novacaine', 'Longview', 'Welcome to Paradise', 'American Idiot', 'Redundant', 'Waiting', 'I was there', 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams', 'Homecoming', 'Letterbomb', 'Basket Case' and just so many more. I got influenced by them a lot, I ADMIT! It taught me how to deal with things.

The places that I've been to
I went to Bali, Indonesia with my parents before. It was at there where I said, 'Why are you guys walking up and down this path? You are so troublesome!' And only because of what I said, my parents keep talking about it even till now. They said, I'm mature from young. LOL! I went to KL, Genting and Cameron Highlands, Malaysia. I went to Bangkok, Thailand for Chinese New Year once. I've been to Korea with my parents when I was about 5 years old and from there I went to Disneyland, USA. So yeah, I've been to USA it was about 10 years ago. I went to Pulau Ubin 3 times so far. Twice for camp and once with my parents. And finally most recently, I've been to Vietnam for about a week with my school.

My parents
They're both 50 years old, born in 1959. They're about two months apart from each other. But they look like they're 50. My mom is also slightly taller than my father, which makes my mom taller than my dad and I. Well... They nearly got divorced when I was about 3 or 4 because my dad was very close to a lady. But that was in the past. My dad used to work for at Changi Airport as one of the airport security people. He always has interesting stories to share. But he quit when I went to kindergarten because he wanted to have more time with me. So now he works at the Habourfront Tower office for this gambling ship. He met several famous singers before. My mom worked in Isetan as a sales assistant for about 15 years. She works at Billabong now (that explains why most of my stuff is from Billabong). My dad often criticise everything. Even music. But he's still a kid at heart and he'd always be like a little boy annoying me and my mom. I remembered, we fought really badly once and I cried my eyes out about it and it seemed like after it, we're okay. We learnt to tolerate each other. It was really bad and it was bad because my eyes swell up the next day and it was pretty serious. My mom is a stubborn lady. She always say she's slow in the mind and she said its a good thing that I'm not like her because I think fast. But well, I don't like that statement of hers because I love her, she's my mom. I'm suppose to be like her. And I really feel like yelling at those people who criticize her work and her attitude. Both my parents can be kiddy, but that way, life would be more fun. It's cool to have such parents, best part is, they're 50 years old with no serious illness (except for my mom's asthma)!

Personal beliefs and thoughts
I always believe that nobody can criticize each other. We are who we are and nobody can change that to their own liking. I share a lot of my life with the people around me and I'm always more than willing to share it. It made me become who I am. Nobody is perfect, no matter where you're from. I also believe in getting it your way because you yourself know your way the best and you can't let others (including your parents) lead you by the nose to tell you what's best. Lots of people say 'whatever' nowadays and you can rarely hear it from me. I don't think a word of it solves everything. It just stays there. Isabelle and I once talked about it, it's a really sensitive issue to the both of us and all the interracial couples together. Well, we said... Some of us might really be meant for the opposite race. And I fully concur to it. For all my life, I've been a free thinker. The past relationship I had was with a malay and well, my flings are all malays. I just want to let my parents know that I'm not gonna loose the guy that I want to be with for the rest of my life because of religion matters. It doesn't matter to me, because love really pays. I just hope that my parents can except for who I want to be with and I know they're not gonna be happy about it, but what if he's truly meant for me? Well, bottom line is, I'm not gonna loose the one I love because of religion matters and I'll fight for the approval of my parents no matter what.

The love of my life, Rasrimin
When I see you for the very first time, my heart really tells me I love you. Why did I met you so late? What is it about you that I adore so much? Why do I see you when I close my eyes and even as I blink? Why am I really so in love with you? And.. WHERE'D YOU GO ALL MY LIFE?! You know, people tell me that you're imperfect. But I believe that it's like this... It's the imperfect things about us that makes us perfect for each other. I know I told this to my ex boyfriend before, but it suits me and you more. Sometimes I wonder about you so much. We have less than 24 hours together every week but it's just more than enough for me and I'm contended. I lost interest in other guys and you don't give me any reason to cheat on you. IF, IF, IF we were to go our own way next time, I have no regrets because at least I found a guy like you in my life. And till today, I believe that there is so much to know more about you. The way we met each other is still so unexpected to me, let alone when we found out where we live. Even as I think back, I'll go ,'WOW'. It makes me day when I struggle to get up and go to the MRT station with you in the morning. Why do I love you so much? I always feel this adrenaline rush even if we can only see each other for about 20 minutes or less. You mean so much to me. And yeah, I can feel like between you and me when we first talk over MSN, I feel the connection to you. It feels so different with you. It's something special. It's like, ever since we talk on MSN, we started to build a bridge into each other's hearts and entering it slowly. Sometimes, I just feel like sitting down and look at you all day long. And my dear, I know... We don't have a lot of time together. I understand that you have to work and well, I'm coping with my Fridays and weekends well. But there's one little stubborn thing about you, you accept, but never reject it even if you're unwell. I had a price to pay when I went for STC and Vietnam and that was, you. I missed you a lot, and I thought of you all along. Why didn't I felt like this before, well... I don't know. But I do know that I love you a lot. You know, some people ask me why I have a floorball around my bag. I would answer them, 'It's because my boyfriend plays floorball, and I support it.' NPCC used to be my world, and now you ARE MY WORLD! You are way, way, way more important than you. I used to sleep a lot and after I knew you, I don't even think that I need to sleep. It just feels so good to be with you, I can hardly describe it. What lies ahead of me and you can be unexpected and it can be good. I love you for who you are, and well, I LOVE YOU! xD You surprise me at times, and sometimes, you get me out of my own problems like money counting. Well, sometimes I just feel like jumping on you from the back and whisper I love you, to you. I better wrap it up here because I want you to have your rest, Mondays are always tired for you. And I know that so long as I don't finish it, you will wait for it till you get to read it first hand. Soooooooo...

I'LL END HERE!

So yes..... This is basically the summary of my life.

This feels so good, satisfaction guaranteed!

what i want/ think about my life

2009-12-05T10:09:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting to do this post for a very long time now, and I know, it's kinda crazy to do this when it's 2 in the morning. I had quite some time to think back about my life for 15 years, and how I've became myself today. My life isn't perfect, how about yours? My life is like a novel, that's ho I joke around with it, maybe I can make money out of it. I'm only 16 after March next year and I've experienced so many things that some soon-to-be 16 year olds have not even yet experienced. If you're of those people whom I talked to you about my life, well, I trust you and I hope that whatever I experienced can be shared with you because I hope other people don't fall for it or get into deep hurt.

Right now, I feel rather emotionless when I think back. Please exit the internet browser if you don't like reading long stuff.

Born into 1994, I was raised in a proper family by my parents. They're both 50 years old this year. My mom was pregnant with me when she was 35, and it was only 2 years after my parents' marriage did they decided to have me. When I was a baby, I was still in my 5th uncles' house in the Hougang area. My parents moved into Tampines when I was a year old and I spent the next 12 years at that house. That's where all my childhood and my grandmother's memories are. I'm proud of myself, I use a pair of chopsticks and a rice bowl for my meals. I speak more chinese than English.

Tampines
I moved a couple of times. From Tampines Street 33 to Avenue 9 to finally where I live today, Street 41. I moved to my cousin's house at avenue 9 temporally because my parents didn't found a suitable house yet. I remembered I was the one who persuaded my parents to get this house, my dad was away in Thailand for some work business when I saw this flat with my mom. I liked it instantly though it was the smallest kind of the 3-room flat, 3I. I'm a single child and I live with my parents, this is the house that suits my family of 3 people.

My grandmother
My grandmother (my mom's mom) always stayed over at my house. She lived at Bukit Batok and she would take the train and the bus just to come visit me and my mom. I still can remember how she used to bring me to MacDonald's, to get me something to eat, how we used to talk to each other, and how I listened to her stories from the past. As I grew older, I became more apart from her. I didn't get to visit her more, and gradually, the visits lessened. She became sick when I was about 11 and I didn't visit her at all. I really wanted to, but what can I do? I was only 11 years old. When I did got a chance to visit her, she was lying on the bed, looking really pale. She was almost skins and bones. My relatives were all around her, and I didn't really get a chance to speak to her. When she got discharged from the hospital, my mom visited her more often, and so did I. But what the hell was I thinking? Whenever I visited her, I would complain to my mom and said visiting my grandmother was a pain. On the day she passed on, I remember, my 2nd aunt called to say she passed on at 12 noon and I was to tell my parents about the news. I hung up soon after, and I was stunned. The grandmother I loved dearly as a child was gone, and I wasn't there for her at all. I love her dearly, and even as 4 years has passed, it's the biggest life regret I had. I wanted to ask my grandfather for his forgiveness about her, but I guess I was too late too, because he's gone as well. He did forgive me, because when I asked him for it, he just gave a nod. I broke down when that happened, as my memory rests, I can never forget what I lost. I lost one of the most important figures in my life, and I wish she could be apart of it. But it's too late. 4 years has gone so fast...

My 5th uncle and auntie
My uncle and my auntie (my dad's 5th brother) is really awesome to me. He took really great care of me when I was young and I love him so much along with my auntie. Though they're divorced now, I still remember my memories with them. My uncle once asked my mom, 'why is your daughter so weird? I brought her to the candy store today and she didn't want anything. When I brought Jamie or Jeanie (my other cousins, they're sisters) to the store, they practically wanted everything.' Well, I don't know why, I just don't like candy. I have some candy from time to time, but not always. My uncle and auntie loved me dearly because they said, I'm special. When they ask me to wait a spot or place, I'll just stand there and wait. If they ask me to sit and wait, I'll be just sitting down and being all quiet. That's what they said about me when I was young. My uncle and auntie is just like my 2nd parents. My uncle is a charismatic man, but he's hitting 60 soon. As for my auntie, she's good looking for age, she's hitting 60 as well soon. I love them to death.

My family (dad's side)
My dad has 7 brothers and 2 sisters. His rank is the 9th in the family. My dad's side would be more noisy, because I have at least 30 cousins in total in which I don't know 10 of their names. The oldest cousin of mine is about 40 years old, I guess while the youngest is only 11. My cousin had kids and so, that makes me a aunt and I have a nephew and a niece. Surprisingly, my niece is a year older than me and my nephew is a year younger than me. And recently, their father went to report to the newspapers about his insurance claims thingy. Wth, what a scrooge. I can't believe I lived I met my so called cousin-in-law this year, he inspired me a lot to be a environmentalist. I still remember the talk he and I shared over his kitchen counter at his Kembangan home during Chinese New Year Eve, and we had Coke + Vodka. It was like a life changing moment for me to talk to him. Whenever there's dinner or something, we would gather at Yishun, the place where my auntie lives with my grandma.

My family (mom's side)
Now, my mom's side is sorta of like the 'higher class people'. My mom has 2 older brothers and 2 older sisters. She's the youngest. My 2nd aunt is more closer to my mom. There's one thing I dislike about her, she's rubbing it in when she talks about my grandmother. She really don't know how much I regret I felt, and how the guilt is killing me. Whenever we have dinner there, it's always a quiet one for me. Usually, I'll be bored to death. I'm the youngest cousin there, wth. I have 3 nieces here. And well, if there's a dinner or something, we'll be at Bukit Batok, but since both my grandparents are gone now, I don't know where's the next place for it.

Primary School life: Class of 1G to 6G, 2001 - 2006
I attended nursery school, and kindergarten. I remember my first day of primary 1 till now. I woke up in the morning, and my dad was still in bed. He woke up and taught me how to count money. He gave me 60 cents as my first pocket money. I held my mom's hand as I went to my school, and surprisingly, the uniform was comfortable. I met my buddy who's like this older kid in school to guide me during recess. I can't remember her name, but I remember her face. It's stuck in my mind. When I was primary 5, I met my own buddy who's in primary 1, her name was Ineza. Hahahahaaa, what a sweet girl, I thought she was. But well, we hit off pretty well. I miss my primary school buddies and when I moved on to secondary school, some of my primary school schoolmates went to the same school as me. Edwina, Cassandra, Luke, Irfan, Nabil (Eevee), Danial, Luqman, Syafiq. I still visit my primary school regularly with my old pals like June and Shu Xian, it's part of my childhood. I can never forget what happened in there like how I used to get yelled at by my teachers and staring at them back. Hahahaaa, good memories. And of course, how I used to run around in the library with my friends.

1st day in secondary school
Like any other students in secondary 1, I was a nerd. I was actually late for my first day in school. I took the train but I was dumb, I thought I know it all, but I didn't. As you guys might know, Temasek JC's uniform looks alike to my school uniform. When I alighted at Bedok, I followed a student from TJC, I thought she was from my school. I followed her down the train and walked for quite awhile to a bus stop. That was when it struck my mind, WRONG PERSON! LOL! It's funny. But well, I eventually found my school, because I followed another person and yeap, it's the right person to my school. My school was in Bedok in 2007, it's a holding site till it moved back to Tampines. Yeah, that's how I was for the first day.

CCA woes
When it was time to choose the CCA of my choice, I picked volleyball, wth?! It was under the influence of my ex boyfriend. He plays volleyball for Catholic High. He was definitely happy that I chose it, but I regret it so much. I went for the training only once and I transferred myself to NPCC under the influence of Edwina and Qian Ying. Well, I have no regrets about it and I joined the squad only in March 2007. A pleasant CCA, I thought. My parents were definitely happy and so was my cousin, Jeanie. She's from NPCC as well, area 4, I think. My school was a gold unit and it made things in unit strict and harsh. My squad instructor was CI Steven and from time to time, we got 'pumped' by him. But it's all over in 2009, when we're the NCOs of the unit. I went through major events like Area 9 Games Day 2009 as a referee for the girls', NPCC Day Parade 2009 in the GOH contingent, helped out in the campfire preparation up to midnight in school for the student counsellors in 2008, I was the head of administration for the secondary 1 UG camp 2009, courses like Civil Defence, SANA, Police Knowledge, National Heritage and NCO course which I became the coordinator for 2009. But I wasn't much of the coordinator after the stupid conflict with Irfan which was eventually solved. I went to area 9's STC as the campfire emcee and still proud of it! I own a drill cane, but the drill cane is longer than my arm.. ):

There's still part II, and I'll continue it tomorrow. It's like a book when I try to type about my life. It might be weird to you, but I just want to see how long it can be. I'm contented with my life and I went through a lot, how about you?

***These paragraphs that I wrote are just a brief summary and it's not a whole.

2012!

2009-12-04T06:05:00.000-08:00

I just found out something. Isabelle, if you see this, you better keep an eye out for me, because I'm so gonna curve more with you! KNS!~

I watched 2012 with Rasrimin today and honestly, when he called, I was still in bed. After I was done, he called again and he told me to get out of the house now before it rains. Right after he hung up, it rained. WTH! I took a big umbrella out with me but I left it in the toilet. It was the same umbrella that made me paiseh last time when I met Shanur for the Vietnam trip project. I hit a lady today by accident and it seems like she's not happy, she gave me this really sick look... Wth... Like what Khalis always say, she's so fugly. And my dear, you look nice with my Vietnam bag eh. A little like mat, but nice. ^^ I waited for you for approximately 15 minutes outside the toilet.

2012 was a nice movie, at least in a way, it shows the optimistic side of the apocalypse. But there are people who died, and I hope it's what they deserve. It's really scary when everything goes down and gets burnt by the Earth's core with some other parts of the world being hit by a giant tsunami. I do believe in armageddon, philosophers from the past like Nostradamus(?) predictions were right, he predicted about Hitler, WWI. It's really astonishing because he predicted historical people and events about a thousand years before. The Earth is showing signs of armageddon. But well, what to do, if my memory serves me right, the Mayans said it's like the cleansing of the world.

When the movie was coming to an end, the lady said to the guy, 'where have you been all my life?' Like wth, it's my question to the love of my life! AHHHH, she copied me, sayang! But hey, when I asked you, 'where have you been all my life?', it's the first time this question popped into my mind and I asked you with all my heart. It comes from the heart. And when I say I love you, I really do mean it and please don't ask, 'why should I believe you?'. I really did mean it. Well, let me ask you back one question, what do you see when I look at you in the eyes? I see you, you're in me and I'm in you. Let ask you back a question, 'Did you hear anything when you said why should I believe you?'

Isabelle and I are talking over msn now, I thought of a idea for the Curves' one month anniversary, it's come Dec 26th. It's very near one of our Curves' birthday soooooo... SHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Rasrimin, you still owe me a answer before I went to Vietnam. You have yet to tell me why I'm so fantastic to you. Hahahahahahaaaaaa, got you back!

facebook is flooding me!

2009-12-03T06:36:00.001-08:00

Facebook is officially flooding my email inbox. It's all emails about my friends tagging themselves in my pictures. 167 new emails, WTH! But yeah, I deleted them all. I got a really big shock...

I went out with my curves today to eHub to catch New Moon the movie. I was kinda late and Asyraf called. I told him to walk to the library and we catched a taxt together to go to eHub. I must say, it might be a nice novel but the movie was kinda boring. I nearly fell asleep. But well, I found my own entertainment by disturbing Isabelle as usual. Danial and Khalis was like making extra sound effects and comments. Fun movie, even though it was boring. Hahahahaa... The movie was kinda long for about 2 hours ++ and we went to KFC to takeaway our lunch to Pasir Ris Park. We had it at the BBQ pit and some guys who looked like park rangers told us to clean up the place. Hahahahaha, I had some nice winglets snacker. I miss it.. ): We were actually heading to the playground, but we stopped so the guys played soccer or volleyball. And guys will be guys.. Hahahaha, and dang, Eevee was so innocent, Danial and Khalis kept bullying him. Eevee is toooooooooooo innocent lahh, by the way, he looks so Eevee. Hahahaha! We took some curve pictures by the rocks. I hope it's nice, it was taken by Khalis' camera. We eventually took a train back to Tampines to get our friendship bands, orange for the girls, and purple for the guys. I hope it looks nice. Hahahaha, so yeah. It's on our right ankles. We're also gonna celebrate our one month anniversary on Dec 24th! Hahahaha..! I wonder how the hell we're gonna celebrate it. My love was coming, and we were sorta waiting for him at the Coffee Bean, Starbucks was very, very crowded. And I ordered some weird drink... LOL! It cost me $5.60. I spent my money so fast today. Dang... We ended out outing by having a very early dinner at Food Culture. After the meal, the guys left and we were alone.

I feel so excited today, I can't wait to use my headphones properly. The sound quality is so awesome. There's finally proper music to my left ear. Hahahaha, stupid old earpiece of mine. My previous headphone was about 3 months old and the wire got snapped by me by accident on one evening. May you rest in peace, by headphone and welcome the new one. Ahahaha! The previous one was green, now it's like greenish-blueish. I love it so, but I love the love of my life. Omg lahhhhhh, why am I so obsessed with him?! HAhahaha.. And why is he so obsessed with me?!

I had a fun day. And best, I'm gonna watch 2012 tomorrow!

listening to somebody talk when you're sleepy is a torture

2009-12-02T07:06:00.000-08:00

I slept at 2 in the morning and I woke up at 0730. I'm sorry my dear, I didn't wake up to call you. After sending you to the MRT when you just walk off without saying bye, I went to MacDonald's since my mom wants some breakfast. Soon enough, both my parents went to work. I slept later than them but woke up earlier. LOL! Pretty soon, I started to prepare to go out to meet my curves at Tampines Mall. I met Isabelle at about 1215 at the MRT station.

We went to KFC, but Danial and Khalis was a little late. We talked a lot during our lunch. The 3 of them each had a chance to meet and talk to my boyfriend. Heh heh heh... ^^ Even when Firdaus joined us a little late, he still ran over and said hi. Danial, Khalis, Isabelle and I went to 77th street and X-Craft to look at friendship bands. Isabelle and I got a friendship band together. It's nice. Hahahaha, we're planning to have one with all the curves, but Isabelle and mine is special, its to let us remember what we did when we're in Vietnam. LOL!!! Orange is for international lesbian colour (I heard) and purple is for international gay colour. Firdaus was kinda upset, but well, I hope he's okay. Everybody just needs to struggle a little get it'll be over. You can't possibly be stopping at a point of when your life is sad. We eventually walked around and went to Sunplaza Park. Danial and Khalis took some curve shots. Hahahaha...

I've decided, I'm fed up with facebook. I'm gonna pass to Khalis my thumbdrive with all my pictures inside for the Vietnam trip. I wonder what he and my boyfriend talked about... DANG!

I also went to Rachel's birthday party at Pasir Ris Park. I feel proud of myself, I walked from the interchange to the other end of Pasir Ris Park which took me about 20 or 30 minutes. I reached about 7, and I went off at 2030 in a cab with Jia Hui, Kang Lin and Joey. I stopped by my house, and I got Straits Times for my dad.

My dad was talking to me just now. I realized that it's really kinda like a torture to listen to somebody talk when you're sleepy. I passed through it eventually~

So yeah, this is how my day ends~

P.S. Why am I so obsessed with you?!

Back from Vietnam!

2009-11-30T21:34:00.000-08:00

I'm back from Vietnam. I've been there for about 6 days. I enjoyed the trip and when we were at the village, it really feels awesome to be there because of the villagers. I still remember their faces and their smiles, it lingers in my mind. Almost all the villagers came to say goodbye. From what Colin said, we're the first foreigners to visit their village and make a change in their lives. I captured some really great moments of the people there, young and old. You can see it in their faces that they have real smiles, and they don't fake it. They're also very happy with their lives. Though they may come from a village, but they're no country bumpkins. Some children can speak very fluent English. I was very touched by their friendliness and how much appreciation they show to us and how outspoken they are. My curve group and I talked about it, I definitely must go back there again in my life. At least once more. I feel a great sense of accomplishment after the trip.

The only price I had to pay was leaving my love for a week. That's the price to pay, and it certainly doesn't feel good. I miss him way too much for the trip. Well, I'm back now and I was really happy (what's the word for excited, overjoyed and high?) when I knew he was in terminal 2 waiting for me. It really made me feel happy because I thought of going to him instead. I love him so much... I really, really wasn't myself for the trip. So yeah, all the curves! Listen to this, I love my boyfriend, and I just disturb my darling Isabelle for fun. Her reactions are so classic. Hahahaa.

AND I WANT TO SHOUT THIS TO THE WHOLE WORLD, I LOVE RASRIMIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dearly beloved, are u listening?

2009-11-23T07:34:00.000-08:00

I know, I know... I have to go...

I'm sorry. I was away on camp and now, I'm gonna be away to Vietnam. If I knew you earlier, I would have withdraw from the trip. And hey, like waht we said. It's gonna be like only a week. No biggie. But well, it is to me because for the whole camp, my heart is shouting your name and I vented it out during the mock campfire and campfire. I hugged your class T shirt to sleep, and I'm sorry, it got wet because of the rain. Whenever I blink or close my eyes to sleep, I see you in my heart. I might look happy and all for the camp, but truth is, I am happy. Once I'm happy, time flies for me. I tire myself out so that time flies. I love you so much lahhhhhhh...

I'm sorry once again because of my parents. But I will definitely, definitely meet you tomorrow morning. I have to. I'm gonna be so lovesick, if I can survive my camp (since it's called Survival Training Camp), I definitely can survive this. So yeah... On the positive side, it's 6 or 7 days only, no biggie. Time will fly. I just have to keep happy because, I know once November is over, I can see you once again. On the negative side, I won't see you, talk to you, msn with you, facebook with you, sms you for 6 or 7 days. I will definitely call you when I'm in Singapore, so you better pick up. If not you'll get it from me.. >:)

Let me end here, I love you my dear, Rasrimin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take good, good, good, good care of yourself. And don't disturb Hafi!!

when you get to Ubin..

2009-11-19T05:16:00.000-08:00

As I was about to meet Shanur today for the project stuff, it rained. So I decided to went back home to grab a umbrella, pass to him the stuff and go back home to place the umbrella. As you know, I don't hold umbrellas. When I went back home, the umbrella suddenly twisted inwards and I heard some laughters. Damn.. so ps. I went to take bus 27 to the airport. I was suppose to meet Jia Hui and Joey at 1.30pm, but I was late for about an hour. I went to have lunch with them and we walked around. I got a new pair of green socks too! Heh.. My socks was wet mah.. I went to take the train at about 4.20, I went to the toilet mah.. Thankfully, I wasn't late to collect my first aid certificate!

Once I collected it, we went around walking. Walking around. Had dinner at KFC, for the first time, I had a large Pepsi. Nice... That was just more than enough. So we went back and the train was god damned packed with people. When we reached Tampines, he bought a ulcer medicine and I bought his mom-in-law her dinner at Popeye's.

Now that I'm back home, I realized... I still have a large mash potato! WTH!!

Okay, okay... I don't wanna type any further. I have yet to pack my bag and get my Vietnam trip stuff ready. WTH!!!!

Dear Rasrimin,
I love you. When I get to Ubin and sing those songs, it's so gonna remind me of you. So I guess, I'll be sniffing your shirt and hugging it to sleep. This is gonna be fast, but what about my Vietnam trip? It's 6 days. Dang... I'm gonna miss you so much. I hope you hear what I say through our 'conversations'. Hahahha... Most importantly, take good care of yourself!

when i see you, my heart tells me .........

2009-11-18T06:08:00.000-08:00

I went to the campcraft meeting today, and it turns out that I'm in flagstaff. But later on, I got dropped into gadget. Wth... It was okay, I guess. To me, it's simple. All I have to do is to practice the lashings. And I want to be in flagstaff, it's more fun. Hahahahaa.. And we had to introduce ourselves. Wth, I think we know each other and which squad we're clearly from. Hahahaha, when it was my turn, I stoned for awhile. I had many 'hobbies' and I don't know which one to say. xP When it was squad 2's turn, they had to answered who would you wanna be stuck in a island with. If they ask me this, I'll definitely shout, 'I wanna be stuck on a island with a guy and his name is hanging around my neck!'

I went back home, and I was kinda late for song leader training. I was carrying 27 shirts, and it's heavy! Lucky, I got help when I was at the school gate. Thanks, Fahdli and Rico! We went through the mock campfire and actual campfire run. I think the 3 of us are getting more better than this. And when we sing 'Pearly Shells/ Hurry Hurry Home Love', it reminds me of somebody. When I sing the verses, 'When I see you, my heart tells me I LOVE YOU more than those pearly shells...!' 'Hurry hurry home love, hurry home to me', 'I know, I know... You have to go', 'I miss you SO'. I always emphasize on these and I meant every word of it to my love. And all the songleaders are high today, I'm glad to see that. They're more lively. I hope they're gonna be like this during the mock campfire and campfire night. I'm so gonna love it. GO AREA 9!!!

It was raining heavily and I didn't take the bus or what, I just took off with the others in YOUR red jacket. I went to change up and I think I look really weird in that. But well, you liked it. What to do... I went to Starbucks and I met Hariz's sister for the first time and her friends. I found out she had some same interest as me. And I mean those sorta weird interests like looking at some people. Hahahah, I enjoyed my time at Starbucks with them. We went off to Popeye's after that to get dinner. And yeah, pretty soon we went back home.

I knew all along it was going to be a month, and I was in a way, quite happy that it's the day before my camp. Hahaha. Soooo.. I guess your coach is gonna bring you to the red cross training center tomorrow along Penang Lane. Not bad, not bad. Your coach is going to receive a certificate. Your coach and you are gonna have a great time tomorrow in Dhouby Ghaut, I guess. Hahahaha...

Take good care of my MP3 and actually, I wanted to add more songs. My mom got me the Coldplay CD mahh... You're gonna have both of my MP3 when I'm away on camp, I guess. I'll also write, to replace my blog post, so you're not gonna chase after me for it!! Muahahahaha!!!

P.S. ARE YOU STILL WITH US, AREA 9?! THEN ECHO AFTER ME! When you get to heaven.... I love that song! xD

But of course, I love you more than you love me! I just love you more than you do! When I see you, my heart tells me I love you, more than those... little pearly shells... :D

vietnam trip!

2009-11-17T05:36:00.000-08:00

Today is really very unexpected. I was in school for quite along while. So, I began my day sleeping at 3 in morning and waking up at 7.30. I went off to meet him as usual and this time I was fast, I guess. I went off to school and I was a little late. We went off to proceed to the mother tongue room and we had a little bit of a more discussion again for the individual group projects.

I was pissed today because the teachers are really weird. They asked you to report at 0830. Then, you'll have a break from about 12 to 3. Wth... And 5 - 5.30 (If I remembered correctly)

During the break, I can't believe I walked to interchange and came back in about less than 20 minutes. When I was back in the room, Mr Lee said, 'Be sorry and not say sorry.' Well, I am sorry that I'm late, but if I don't meet him, who would settle the first aid stuff? That's what Asyraf and me argued about. Shanur and I are paired up together for the project. And Shermin actually mistakened me for Cassandra and Cassandra for me. I remembered when we were back in primary school, Mdm Latifa mistook us too. LOL and pretty soon, Danial and the others started to like call Cassandra, Heather. Wth... Hahahaha...

The vendor for the trip also briefed us and finally we got more details. I got pestered by my parents to ask about the flight details. Departure time on the 24th would be at 1005, but we have to report at 0730, terminal 3. I would probably say arrive at Vietnam, Hanoi at 1230. On Nov 30th, depature time for Hanoi is 1330 and arrival time back in Singapore is at 1755. I'm so gonna be love sick. Sigh.... But I believe that time there would pass very fast because we're gonna 'waste' a lot of time on travelling.

There's campcraft competition meeting tomorrow. Wth, always last minute. I hereby say that I have no interests in campcraft and I have to join due to the lack of number of girls. What a pain... And I have to carry 27 shirts to school after that for the songleader training. So far, I passed to Syafiqah her shirt and Dickson's.

And my dear, I'm so gonna wipe out more of your sweat in future. I don't know why, but after I went back to school and you went home, I miss wiping it. Hahahaha. Next time, I know how to wipe it lerh, thanks ah! And you are so lucky to wear my new jacket, I worn it twice only. Hahahaha. My shoulder is about to snap again.. AHHHHH!!!!! It's waiting for your massage. Before I forget, remember to have the pills when your stomachache is back. It'll help, I think. Just try, if you don't, you'll never know if it helps.

84th

2009-11-16T06:19:00.000-08:00

Today was a brief day. I went back to school for the Vietnam trip discussion and I had some 'homework' about it now. But I think it'll be done in around 10 minutes? Wen Jun shall represent us tomorrow for the presentation to the teachers. Hahahahaa, he like sabo himself when he suggested the idea of drawing lots.

I reached home at about 12+ and after I changed up, I had to take the bus soon, Ineza's finishing school at 1330. I was a little late. We had lunch and we walked around Tampines Mart for awhile. I bought some pens and I bought a ankle guard for my mom; she's been having some problems walking and she complains about her ankle. It costed me 24 bucks but well, worth it. It's for my mom. And in return she bought a CD from HMV. Heh heh heh... She went to the Heeren with her friend I saw the other day. I went to Ineza's house and I saw her dog for the first time. I admit okay, I panicked when I saw her dog and I kinda told it to go away. But well, I looked at her, she looks sad. (Ineza's dog is a female.) I can feel her rib cage when I touch her, it's sorta freaky. Well, I did some primary school Maths questions and whoaaaa, I remembered those days where I complained about it. We eventually went to the bus stop, she took 28 and I took 291.

It was say about 5pm when I met him. Whenever I meet him, I know that it's not enough but deep down, I know that it's just nice, not too long, not too short. I know he has to work and his life basically revolves around work and school. But to me, what matters lie in between and around it. Honestly, I can't stand it when I don't meet him for a day or so. But I can control this because I always know that soon enough, I get to see him. I am always missing him actually. Now that there's 4 days left to STC, I wanna grab all the chance I can get to meet him, even if it's just for a minute. I love u lahhhhhh... Like duhhhhhhh....

I feel like superwoman today after carrying 30 shirts from Tampines MRT station back to my house.

P.S. I have two dogtag necklaces with the names 'Rasrimin' and 'Heather'!
The song leader shirt is gorgeous!
And of course, it's been awhile... I love you!
And why do I feel so sian........ SIANNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hurry hurry home love, i miss you so

2009-11-14T09:51:00.000-08:00

Whoaaaaaaaaa... I wanna get this over with. I'm so used to blogging everyday because of you and I'm rather tired. I just wanna submit this piece to you. Wondered what I was up to after you board the bus this morning? I went back home, I had the burger and after reading the papers, I fell asleep. I only woke up at about noon and my parents went out of the house. I looked for my mom over at century square and Jana was on her way. I met her near Cheers and I find it quite retarded to sit and watch people walk pass you. Well after about 10 minutes, I met her and well, I went over to my mom again. When my mom called my dad, somebody shouted my name and when I looked up, it's the usual trio and the girl.

I had lunch at Ramen Ten. I went to Royal Sporting House, Cotton On, Giordano, Uni Qlo with my mom. And I spent quite a large sum of money. But I think it's worth it.

As I'm typing this, both my parents are coughing and I think it'll be my turn soon. I'm having quite a bit of a headache too. After reaching home, I went to meet my friend to lepak and we talked, had dinner.

And all this while, I miss you so. Your face just keeps appearing in my mind. Dang... My mom is also threatening me to return to you your jacket. But she don't know that I have your red one. I hope you don't fall sick with my jacket and that you're feeling way better now.

My dad talked to me earlier on, and sometimes what he says really make me feel so pissed off. For example, this is what he said: 'you're just agreeing with whatever I say'. I can't go against him, there's lots of pointers abotu what he said that isn't true. I have to agree with him, if not we'll have a cold war, which I hate it a lot.

So yeah... I sorta packed my cupboard and as you can see the other day when you were here, it's a total mess. I don't know how to end this for the first time.

P.S. I'm rather tired and I don't know why I'm still awake and typing this at 2 in the morning.

friday the 13th

2009-11-13T07:01:00.000-08:00

I had to go to school today, Mr Chai wants to see the Vietnam trip people. I was a little late to meet shidah today, but well I wasn't too late. In school, we got divided into 3 different groups with about 10 people to a group. My group's group 2 and we're in charged of teaching the Vietnamese students simple English and Maths. The teachers also announced the buddy system, so my buddy for the trip is Effa. Well expected actually. We knew more about what to pack today and shortly after, we discussed about the programme we're gonna have for the children. Mr Lim said it's the highlight of everything for what our group is doing. He wanted to see his NPCC cadets for awhile and he said we have to focus our energy for our trip and not STC. But I have to focus on STC, I'm the emcee for the campfire night. He gave me a hi-5 after I told him I was a qualified first aider. Heh heh heh. But I have yet to collect my certificate from the red cross training center and maybe I'll do so on Monday, just before STC.

I was wondering how many times a day do I open the door to step out of the house. For today, it was 4 times. It should be about 3 times per day on average. That's a lot more than usual. I met dearly beloved, Qian Ying, Shu Xian, June and Wei Hong today. Nice, eh? I met Qian Ying because she wanted to pass me some money for something, Shu Xian, June and Wei Hong because Shu Xian finally collected her contact lens after about 2 months. And I must say, June looks hot. ^^ After we 'left' Shu Xian and June, we went to 'gazebo' in between 401 and the poly clinic to talk. We talked about the old days and stuff. I went home and my dad was already at home. He had his 'I don't wanna talk to you about what I'm unhappy with' face on. So mom and I talked about tomorrow. I'm gonna meet Jana and Hasanah of Junyuan Secondary tomorrow at noon for their shirt money and I'm gonna look for my mom at Century Square. She wants to go to Heeren. She'll be heading to Billabong to talk to her ex supervisor and I'll be heading to HMV. I have to look for 4 items tomorrow. I'm so gonna get a headphone again, my earpiece is damaged.

It seems like I'm gonna be out of the house for a quite awhile till Tuesday. Since the supplier can't give us the stock on Sunday, I'll have to go on Monday to Beach Road after 1830. So this is how it goes...

Saturday: I'm gonna meet CI Yongsheng to return his money for the deposit for the shirts, meeting Qian Ying.
Sunday: My parents wanna go out... -.-
Monday: 0900 in school canteen for further discussion, 1830 to Beach Road for the shirts. How the hell am I gonna carry 28 shirts?!

I wonder when I can get my first aid certificate, I look so forward to it. And it seems like everybody has some pain in their stomach...

money, money, money, where is the money?

2009-11-12T05:20:00.000-08:00

It was only at about 8 plus and my phone had a sms. So we're gonna have our national heritage test before our STC next Friday. Nice one. I went to Pasir Ris today because the Ngee Ann Secondary songleaders can't make it for today's training and well, I made special arrangements for Farhana. While I was at home, Syarr texted me and I went off to look for her after getting the money for Farhana. She was waiting for Del and well, I didn't want to make my trip to Pasir Ris wasted, so I went to White Sands mall for her. As what I predicted, she gave me a kiss on the cheek. Heh heh heh. I love her. We talked in KFC and well, soon after, Del came and I went off back to Tampines.

On the journey back home, it started to drizzle and I practically ran home to close the windows. I made it back on time. Hahaha. So ya, CI Andrew's email came and I print the emcee scripts. But well, I wanted to print it on both sides but I don't know how to do it with my dad's printer and I gave up after having 5 sheets being printed wrongly. It was due to time constrain. Haha. I changed up soon after and I was listening/ watching Green Day on the TV hoping to learn one thing or two as how you handle the audience. I changed up and soon after, I went to school with his fatpipe.

While walking, CI Yongsheng called and told me to fetch the Teck Whye Secondary songleaders and there was this guy with him and I think he's the teacher officer. And guess what the teacher officer asked me, 'are u the CI?' Heh heh heh. Well, of course not! I'm wearing a school skirt. Wth. I settled the money matters and there's still some people who still has outstanding payment. I really hope it doesn't cock up when I go to Beach Road on Sunday. As usual, Rico, Sharifah and me went through everything and we thought the Teck Whye Secondary songleaders the songs that they don't know and they're fast learners. Hahaha. So on the campfire night, we have to address them as Area 9 and 20. Kinda long, but what to do...

The songleader session ended way earlier that I expected and I went home to get Pearlyn's friend stuff. Sigh, but thanks to her, I didn't waste my time ah. Haha. I met her at the Tampines MRT station and it turns out somebody was in Tampines earlier that expected. I counted the money with him for about 20 minutes at Century Square before knowing everything tallied. Wth. I hate these money, money situations. Messy.

So I had Popeye's Chicken for dinner and I bumped into Haziq and Suhaila. In the end, they found their seats and they didn't joined us. But instead, his secondary school pal and his girlfriend joined us for dinner. We talked about somebody and it turns out to be kinda true but well, I can't say anything about him. But it's just that the guy we talked about is very infamous back in their secondary school days. After dinner, we went down that's when I saw CI Yongsheng. We walked one round before going down the escalator.

And let's see... Our hearts took us to Tako Pachi today. Haha. We went in to Watson's for awhile and it turns out that there's no prickly heat powder, kns. The first aid kit's list is just half done. It'll be done soon. My money is going to run out soon, again. Sigh...

I really can't force you to see a doctor because it's your own body. And I gotta admit, I'm pissed. Pissed because I wanted to send you home, but you don't want. I don't want you to faint halfway or what. But well, at least you made it back home properly. Putting vicks might really help you, but it doesn't help you fully. I just hope that it gets better and not worst. I'm just worried lah. Zzz. And well since you say you don't wanna show any reaction or say it's pain, I still can tell that you're in pain by your body. The signs are; slouching forward, holding your stomach with your hands, sweat on your forehead (still can see though your fringe is covering your forehead), and refusing to eat. Of course, there's many more signs but these are just the common ones.

P.S. TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF, because I'm gonna be away on Nov 20th, Friday.

echo after me!

2009-11-11T06:31:00.000-08:00

The only thing to look forward today was the song leader session. I got myself ready at about 1pm. I remembered I was watching Spongebob and I had to go out of the house at 2.30pm. I fell asleep at around 10 minutes before. Hahaha. Wth. I went out and it was raining. I wore his jacket but it seem kinda retarded because there's no hood. But well, at least it's the owner's jacket that counts.

I went to school and Rico wasn't there yet. I saw Zuhri and Shahrizal's and Shahrizal got sorta turned away by the security guard. My school has this dumb rule that no students should wear slippers walking around in the school. Wth, they don't know the convience of it. Well, we got over to NPCC room first while Shahrizal went home to change up. We did some admin stuff like the shirt money and the hand prints. Some nice substance from the purple paint tube landed on Rico's palm and I still wonder what it is. Hahahaha, and apparently, CI Andrew got excited about it. Hahaha. I went down shortly after for Shahrizal and when I went back up after 15 minutes or so, I went back down for the Unity Secondary guy, Haikal. No wonder I was sweating like a pig. Haha. So we went through the mock campfire and the actual campfire. It's really tough to engage with the campers actually. But it will really work when you see every camper singing back to you with them smiling. Once the campers sing it back, this is the best gift you can get for being the host. I still can't catch up with the later part of 'peace by the river' though. Sigh... I hope the campfire night would really run smoothly and the campers would really cooperate with us. We wrapped up soon after and Putri and I took flight to meet our boyfriends. Hahaha, they turned out to be near each other and I mistaken her boyfriend for Rasty. Sorry, honey!

Yeah, after meeting him, we went to buy the first aid stuff which I'm suppose to buy for the first aid kit. Along the way we bumped into Sharifah, Yu Xian, Khaliesah and CI Andrew. Kinda ps, but well they know each other in a way. Hahaha. We went to Watson's first but later I remembered what CI Steven said, the best place to get first aid stuff is Guardian, not Watson's. Damn it! True enough, I managed to grab a lot of stuff from Guardian. Hahahaha. I got only about half of the list and it already costs $30++

We got my dinner at KFC and we went home. After my shower and dinner he called and he gotta go Shop and Save. So yeah, definitely I went to meet him and I sent him back home today! Ahahahaha! How sweet of me. I got his red Addidas jacket now. I've got two of it. xD

Area 9, echo after me! When you get to Ubin... Blahblahblah. I'm beginning to love that song.

Screw those guys who judge people

2009-11-10T08:58:00.000-08:00

I hate it when people likes to judge others. I am writing this darn post to make a clear stand that not all ITE guys are hooligans. Students from ITE are humans as well and I just can't understand why are there still people who look down on them. Some graduates from ITE earn more than other tertiary education graduates. ITE can represent Its The End, but it's a matter of their choice whether if they want it to end. Many of us criticize ITE students a lot, but are we better than them? Nobody's perfect and we can't live up to other's expectations except for your own. I don't understand why there are still some dumb people around who judge students from ITE and thinks that they're some smarty ass who thinks they make their parents proud? So what if they excel in studies? What about their stinkin' attitude? I know some guys from ITE personally myself, and I must say, they're well respected guys. I met this guy who added me in facebook and then in msn. He asked where my boyfriend was from and pretty soon, he criticized ITE people.

Dude, screw you. Are you in position to judge ITE students? Are you better off than them? So what if you're in a polytechnic? That doesn't give you the darn right to criticize ITE. If you have such negative thinking about them, then you must have got whacked by them before. Serves you right if I said it right. All ITE students are special, different in their own way. I respect that a lot. You cannot say they are all the same because they're not. Doesn't mean that they go to the same school, it means that they're all the same. No matter which school you're from, there is always the good and bad side of it. I just can't understand why you hate ITE so much. You said he might not give me a good future, and I'm aware of that. To me, what matters most is who you spend your future with, it doesn't matter whether is it a good or a bad future. Having a good future might not make you happy, the happy that I'm looking for might never be found by such a snoob like you. I don't ask for a brilliant or perfect or good future. I just want to spend my future with who I want to be with. That's all.

I met this guy who till this day, I can't describe him because there's no better word for it. This guy turns out to be my boyfriend. Yes, he's from ITE. So what? I'm proud of him. I love him to death. He's not some spoilt brat or mat that asks his parents for money. He earns his own money and he gives his mom to support the household. I'm darn proud of him. He once asked me what if my friends criticized where he came from. Well my dear, I don't really care if they did that because I love you for who you are and not where you come from. And it's not their boyfriend, so why do they have to care so much? I don't mind where you came from and I just hope that you can fight back next time should there be anyone who criticize ITE. There are beautiful people like him in ITE why can't you learn to appreciate it? Maybe your thinking has already been spoilt by your thoughts.

Hey honey, I hope that you don't get demoralized or what by such nasty comments. Remember one thing, those people who always criticize and judge others are always in no proper position to do so. I don't ask of anything from you but for you just to be happy with where you are. That's what it matters. You might get affected by what I said to you about what he said, but please, please remember. I love you truly of who you are. You are truly beautiful and sometimes, I can't express myself properly about you. You still make me feel so 'lovestruck', yes I made up that word. I also want to let you know that this post is for all ITE people and especially you. You should know me, I admit, I'm not much of a person who can argue but when it comes to matters like this, I argue to the end. I hate people who judge people like this guy name Calvin. He can't see those beautiful people like you. He has too much pride and didn't realized that he was a snoob. I think he's a racist or something, but well I hope he gets what he deserves for saying such remarks.

I hope you cheer up after reading this. But well, I just wanna make a clear stand!

P.S I love you more than you love me so. :D

sleep, sleep, sleep

2009-11-10T03:19:00.000-08:00

Sure, it's the holidays now. But you can really feel like you're rotting when you're doing nothing at home. To make matters worst, you have homework to complete. Sigh.. But on the bright side, there's 10 days more to camp!

I fell asleep at about 2, with the lappy on. All I can remember was I played tic tac toe with Rasty and after that, I don't know what happened. If I'm not wrong, he fell asleep and shortly after, it was me. LOL! I only woke up at about 4 going to 5 and I switched lappy off. I told myself I was going to wake up at 5, but I didn't. And when I got up, it was already 7.30 in the morning. Kns lah you, never wake me up... But well, we didn't got to meet each other in the morning and it was only your lessons. Back at home, my mom told me stories about something supernatural and about her colleague. It's kinda like nagging and from where she got interrupted, she can continue it again. Sometimes, I don't think she's 50 years old. Hahahaha, the same goes for my dad, sometimes I think that they're the children and I'm the mom.

I regretted telling CI Andrew that we'll have the meeting at 5 and Rico and Sharifah agreed. If it's at 6, it'll be just a little longer and we can have the tako pachi balls. Hahahaha.. So yeap, the 4 of us went through the script and we got a clearer idea of the mock campfire and the actual campfire. I so look forward to it!

Hey my dear, after hearing your stories about your brothers and the girlfriend, I've got nothing to say because the only thing that's in my mind is, I know you hope that she gets what she deserves and yeah, she will. And well, relax... It's not worth being pissed about your brother and her. She's actually hell more worse than me and since you say that she's from hell, she'll come back to where she's from soon. She'll be gone soon, I believe. And if your mom don't believe about your financial stuff, I do. You contribute a lot to your household and well, I know it. So yesssssss, relax. Chill. Take a chill pill, that's what you told me before. I love you soooo much, and well, sorry. I can't kill her for you if not I'll be on death row and you won't see me anymore and you better not have thoughts of killing her. Also, sibling rivalry is always happening to people, but it's just a matter of how siblings solve it. Some big families have their own sibling groupies and some don't. My dad's family has 2 sisters and 9 brothers. I've seen stuff that is way harsher than your family's. Soon, your brother and she will know what's love because, it's really hard for it to comeby.

Awww... Seeing you today for 5 minutes was really not enough and my body is itching for your hug. I miss you!!!

doing things at the wrong place, wrong time

2009-11-09T04:50:00.000-08:00

I woke up to a call at about noon today, and my mom can hear my phone conversation despite the fact that my room door is closed. After hanging up the phone, I started my day.

After having lunch, I fell asleep again. -.- Students can really get all the sleep they want when it's the hoildays. He finished class at 3 and when he called me he was actually at Tampines already? So yaaaa, I deposited some money which my grandfather left for the family and I went to get all the stuff that I need like socks and some things that are not meant to be mentioned. I still lack something, but damn that Watson's at Tampines Mall. They don't have it. I got all different colour socks of today; green, black, white and grey. I got my dinner at Popeye's at it still tastes so good. Hahaha. I got tako pachi bacon and cheese balls again.

As we were about to head home, my mom called. I got really fed up actually. My dad and I told her a billion times, do things at the right time. Well apparently, she's doing things at the wrong time again. I had to head back to get her groceries. What I'm pissed about is that why can't she get groceries during her off day? She got groceries during her dinner break instead, wth. She bought three dragonfruits and it was weighing my shoulder down. The pain came back. This time, I really wanna go for the massage my dad offered. I shouldn't have pick up her call actually, I really love my mom a lot but sometimes the things she do like toady makes me very sick. It sickens me. Sigh... And sooo, I lugged all the bags home.

I REGRET NOT TAKING MY BAG OUT TODAY.

campfire's burning down!

2009-11-08T04:34:00.000-08:00

I went to pay respects to my grandfather today, it's 49 days after his death and it's a chinese ritual to pay respects to him. The guy who conducted the prayers seem like he's in a hurry and I've never seen such prayers session before. It was only about a mere 5 minutes break in between at the association place. After which, we proceeded to Bukit Batok for the last part. We had a breakfast/ lunch buffet there. I felt bored and lucky I got asked if I wanna go to Beach Road for the campfire shirt. I asked my dad about it and yeah, I can go!!! I headed to the bus stop for 852 based on my memory with my mom. So I headed to Bukit Batok and went on board the MRT to Lavender. But I was pretty dumb enough to take the train heading to Marina Bay instead of Jurong East. I thought it would be faster but well, in the end I took the train back.

I reached Lavender at about 12. Andrew and Yongsheng was late. Hahahaha, they lost to me and I'm the one who's usually tardy. I was like a zombie, not listening to music. They went to have their meal first and we headed to the supplier for the shirt. And so, we finally decided on white polo, dry fit with the names under the NPCC logo. Rico, Sharifah and me will have something different, there's 'emcee' in front of our names to show that we're the emcees, cool huh? I was the one who thought of it. Muahahahahaha. It's a great bargain regarding the price, $20. I hope the others don't have any objections. Hahaha. It'll turn out to be nice, I hope. And for now, I have to collect it by myself next Sunday with me lugging all 28 shirts and $260 to pay the supplier. Wth. So ya, the invoice is with me.

When I was heading home, I saw June and her friend Weixuan. I went up to them and we sat down and talked. Talked about Shu Xian. I care for Shu Xian a lot, and she's like taking advantage of it. I can't ignore her or leave her alone, but she isn't listening to what other people say/ advise to her. I'm fed up about this. When I was in the MRT, I wanted to call her to give her a piece of my mind, but she's already so upset with her life with her family and Wei Hong. Sigh, poor girl. I love her a lot, but all June and I hope for is for her to listen to us for once. She never listens and what June said was right, it's like wasting time on her. I really don't wanna give up on her because we never gave up on each other back in primary 5 camp. She thinks about herself and the pain she's suffering is so self-inflicted. If she knows how to use the power of 'close one eye, open one eye', it won't be so bad. She have to grow up now for what happened to her. She can't be in her kiddy world still. Now I know why Wei Hong don't wanna talk to her sometimes. I understand it. He's right. Everytime she's sad, she comes to me. I'm cool with that but she isn't listening. I mean, if she can't get it through her head, at least try to pretend that you're listening. I sent her a super duper long sms today and I hope it can knock some sense into her.

After I went home and watched some TV, my dad reached home. He bought a copy of the newpaper and so did I. So we have 2 copies now. Lol. I fell asleep shortly after and I woke up instantly. Hahaha. He went for a jog and I panicked. My mp3 was with him and I was afraid my dad might ask for my mp3 because between my dad and I, we share a mp3. But when I saw him holding another mp3, I was relieved. I forgot he found his old mp3. Hahaha. Panicked for nothing.

I went to dinner with my dad and my mom was still at my aunt's. When I was eating, my dad bought his food and he called. Dang, wrong timing. I was staring at his picture and shortly after, he called. I think he got the message. xD But my dad was kinda pissed when he saw me getting a call from him. I mean, it's okay to have such calls but don't talk through the whole meal, lah. Sigh, the chance for me to talk to him was spoilt.

The weekend wasn't that bad, imagine me being in Ubin without a phone to contact him. I'm ready for STC, but not for Vietnam.. Please, please, please make my time in Vietnam a fast one. Ahhhhh..!!

banner, banner

2009-11-07T09:10:00.001-08:00

The campfire banner is finally done!! The last and final stage of it will be the song leaders' and instructors' hand prints on Wednesday and Thursday. After painting the banner, it feels good. As I look at it now, it's so gorgeous. The instructors are gonna get the shirt done tomorrow and I hope they can reward us with a good price for the shirt. LOL! I can't wait till they see the banner. We spent about 3 hours on it today, I guess. We killed countless ants and other insects. We used up lots of my paint tubes too. Hahahaha, but I've got a new bottle of white paint for my school shoes!

After the painting session, we went to walk around Tampines Mall, but we went home straight. The main reason for going there was for the toilet actually. We played with the paints. :D And if the CIs think that the NPCC crest looks ugly or wrong, they should try to do one up themselves.

After I reached home, my dad was watching Ice Age 3, a CD he bought today along with the movie Up. After Ice Age 3 was over, we watched Up. But I fell asleep halfway and totally forgot about the laundry that I did previously. I hanged the laundry only after dinner, when I remembered. My dad wanted to bring me for a massage and I was quite fed up when I heard about it because when I wanted to go for one when my shoulder was really hurting me a lot, he didn't have the time. Wth?! But we didn't go for it eventually because there was too many people. Phew~~

For the very first time in my laundry doing experience, there were TOO MANY clothes. And there weren't enough bamboo poles. Damn.. I spent about 30 minutes on it today, the longest timing ever. My dad laughed like hell when I told him about it. He was in the toilet doing his business, so I can sorta take the advantage to kachiau him by switching off the lights. xD

After my dad went into his room for his work stuff, I watched the EMA. Finally. I skipped lots of performances but I think the show was great.

Time flew past today and I think the key to spend your time fast is to enjoy it. I don't know how I'm going to be like in STC and the Vietnam trip, but I sure do hope I can enjoy it in order to get it past fast. AHHHHHHHHH!!! I'M GONNA MISS HIM LIKE HELL WHEN I'M AWAY!!!!!!! STC isn't that bad, but what about Vietnam?!

I'm going to my aunt's house tomorrow at Bukit Batok. It kinda sucks because I bet that they're gonna ask about my results and maybe they'll try to lecture me which I got it from my dad way earlier before. Sigh, I know I'm the youngest and they might think that I did really well, but I didn't. My mom told my 2nd aunt about my results and I think she's gonna ask me about it when we journey there tomorrow morning and she's gonna, you know... Nag.

At least at least, I'll see you tomorrow, my dearrrr!!! :DDD

suntec city!

2009-11-06T06:26:00.000-08:00

Well, well... It's been years since I went to Suntec City. When I was in the train ride to City Hall, I kept wondering how I can make my way there with him while I was trying to 'connect' my phone to the earpiece. Eventually, we made our way there. But I think we were there for only about 30 minutes or so. Apparently, it isn't a good movie period. There isn't a good movie. But the voucher ends at August 2010, so I think we'll save it when there's a good movie. For the first time when I wore something that I like, I feel uncomfortable. Weird...

And so, we decided to head back to Tampines for lunch, I guess. We stopped at Lavender for the next train because the train we were in terminates at Aljunied. Whenever we're travelling, it seems like the time is fast. I sure hope that I can stop the time. After we went to Tampines, we head to Food Culture again. I had the same thing as my dinner last night and he had curry chicken noodle which I think was sucky to him. Our meal was sucky today actually. When I looked at the chicken meat I got, I told myself, I'm not gonna finish it. There were bones and you know, I'm lazy and I don't eat chicken with bones. xD So yeah, it was right. I didn't finish it. After our meal, we said hi to Hariz. I think Hariz's friend was saying hi too when we don't know him. LOL!

I finally got the bacon and cheese balls. Wooohooooo, they still taste great with mayonnaise. I shouldn't actually talk about what happened next because I sat in my room in the dark for about 30 minutes looking at the sky trying to figure out what's going on/ what happened....

As I was watching the Simpsons that I recorded earlier, Syarr called. We chat, she talked about some stuff.. And she's going away to Jakarta tomorrow. D: I love her sooooo, and I don't know when I can see her.

I was making dinner when he called and yeah, I dumped my food into the microwave for him, look how much I love you... (: Soooo yeah, after 5 minutes after his call, I went off to his block and we walked to the place near Dunman Secondary. I used to live there, good old memories... He talked to my Syarr bby, and I wondered what she said. She must be laughing her ass off. Hahahahaha.. The 2 people I loved the most talked to each other today. How nice... :D

I went to NTUC for his guavas, but I can't find any, I hope he finds some in Shop and Save. He had a haircut and I must say, you look different. More decent, but it doesn't matter what hairstyle you have, it's what you that counts. Besides, it'll grow back! You still look good to me. ^^ I think it's gonna be my turn to get a haircut. My hair isn't listening to me today. Zzz, I'm gonna get you cut. And hey dear, I wanted to send this as a sms to you today, but it ended up in the drafts. Actually, I hate you because you love me so much that I think I can't carry on my life without you, that's why I love you more than you love me.

And what the heck, I'M LEFT WITH TWO BUCKS, HOW THE HELL DID I SPENT MY MONEY?!?!?!?!?!

rain, rain, rain

2009-11-05T05:10:00.000-08:00

Today is a rainy day. It rained for awhile and it didn't. And it was like that all the way through this early afternoon. But the weather sure was nice but I regret wearing slippers today. I should really get a new slipper, my red ones are hurting my feet again and I've been getting some nasty blisters. Zzz.

I've been getting all the sleep in the world but it doesn't seem to be enough. Right now, I'm feeling sleepy.

As usual, I met him today and I got fatpipe out today for him. I was a little late as usual and we saw Amanda again. xD We exchanged jackets halfway through because I gotta see my mom. We went for dinner at Food Culture and I finally tasted my first Bacon and Cheese balls. :D It was awesome, I'm gonna get more of it! I deposited my mom's 5 cent coins and it was about $18. We went back and I had to see my mom again. This time, it was quite wrenching because she was tearing up. She was upset about what her office said about her and I really can't do anything about it. I encouraged her to curse and swear but that sorta cheered her up but it didn't afterwards. I can't do anything about it but to hope that my dad talks to her tonight properly. After seeing my mom, I went home merrily with him after walking around Tampines 1. I had these few drinks tonight: 1. Bandung, 2. Strawberry milk, 3. Chrysanthemum tea. Whoaaaaaaa.. Nice mixture. For the whole time together, we said a couple of things at the same time together like, 'not bad'. I guessed we said 'Fuck it' for 20 times. LOL, it sounds nice to me now.

Tomorrow is Friday. As planned, we're gonna watch a movie at Suntec City. Problem is, my memory on how to get there is fading. Soooooo.. if we're lost, don't blame me. xP And my dear, it doesn't matter what you wear, what matters is you. I think it's about the 5th or 6th time for me saying it. And dang, I'm gonna be a zombie tomorrow without a MP3. But fret not, I have a walkman phone! xD

I WANNA GET MORE BACON AND CHEESE BALLS!!!!!!!!

st. hilda's

2009-11-04T05:26:00.000-08:00

My NPAP shirt smelt good today... ^^

Well, I met Putri just a little late today and Rico reached already. When we headed off to Festival Park, I totally forgot about him. There were about 7 or 8 of us at there today and I really appericiate them for coming to help us with it. Though some of you guys gave us 'eye power'. But yeah, I apperciate it a lot. We can wrap it up on Saturday as the final painting session and I think let's take up Putri's suggestion of putting our palm prints all over the banner with our names. We went off to St.Hilda's for this afternoon's session and it was really rather unexpected. So the guys and I walked to St.Hilda's for it and Rico and I took the lead for the mock campfire session...

Though I left early, I can't say where I went. But it was rather tiring. Hahahaha. So after I'm back home, I nearly got knocked out but I was watching Simpsons till my baby called. He was gonna get dinner for his family so I went to meet him. Shortly after, the instructor called. I gotta meet him because he wants to see the banner and I have to get the paints from him before Saturday. Zzz. Instructors these days... So the shirt making would be this Sunday. Hot pink seyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xDD

Jealousy might comeby, but remember one thing, I love you more than you love me since you say you love me more than I do. Soooo, I love you more than you love me. :D

Does it make sense?

the time is super slow today

2009-11-03T05:49:00.000-08:00

Time is really, really very slow today. I fell asleep and it seemed like forever. But when I woke up, it was like 1100. Then, 1230. What the heck?! Well, I managed to meet up with Rico and Sharifah today. We discussed about the script for less than half an hour. It's done, I guess but I gotta tidy it up before handing it to the CI in charge tomorrow. And he's having a hard time, at least that's what I know. So, we'll be going to Festival Park tomorrow for the banner. Majority of the song leaders would be late. :O

I met my man today and as usual, went to Cheers, bought newspaper. He bought Chocolate milk and I think that Meiji still tastes better than Dutch lady. xD After he went off for his train, I went to walk around and settled in MacDonald's. I met him after his lesson around 4 going on 5 as usual and we walked around Tampines Mall. I bumped into Putri again and Nora. Nora called me shortly after, and she's very happy and excited for me. LOL. Same old Nora, still so cute. xP I bought a paintbrush and we went around NTUC. He taught me about grocery shopping. Interesting lesson. As we were heading home, we bought bubble tea from Sweettalk. Honestly, I still prefer the uncle's milk tea. The chocolate milk tea from Sweettalk sucked big time. Maybe I'm just used to the uncle's chocolate milk tea. You can taste more chocolate. Well, after he sent me home, he left the chocolate from his chocolate ice blended all over my phone. Thanks for the leftover, honey! Hahahaha.

queenstown/ queensway

2009-11-02T03:33:00.000-08:00

Another day... This is another day.

Let's see... I woke up at 0630 and I find it weird, why didn't I get a call from my honey? I wanted to be ahead of him so I went to hit the showers straight and when he didn't called, I knew he was asleep. I shall not talk about it further. Hahaha. How cute can he get? Sooooo... I fell asleep and eventually and he called back. Went out of the house at about 0800. We head to Cheers as usual in the morning. And he got me a sandwich, :D He wanted to give me a hug actually, but I wasn't paying much attention. He walked off and I thought he wanted to get into the station already, it doesn't seem so actually. Damn ps. Hahahaha. xD

And when I was about to reach home, I met this weird guy. He's a malay around 40 years old and above with nose hair sticking out of his nose. He approached me and he asked which school I'm from, what stream and level. Wth? I always have strange encounters.
1. I met a weird guy few months ago and he passed me a slip of paper when I was about to meet Qian Ying. In the slip of paper, if my memory serves me right, he said: 'I am Alex. Call me, I am from Batam.' In the note, there was his number. I showed it to Edwina and she can confirm that it was a Indonesian's handwriting. After he passed me the slip of paper, he sprinted off. And he was really fast.
2. Few months ago, as I was walking home by the bus stop going heading to S11's side, a mad man wearing a pink shirt suddenly pointed to me with his finger and the distance was only about 2 cm away between my nose and his finger. Wth? He hurled something to me in Hokkien, but I couldn't hear anything because I was listening to my MP3. After he said it, he walked off, I looked back and he just kept walking straight.

I went to school for the discussion, but it turns about to be less than a hour. Mr Chai was in a good mood, so he let us off early. There were only about 7 or 8 people for it. LOL!

After which, I went home and my mom cooked lunch. We had potato again, it's delicious. xD Sooo, we took the train to Queenstown to Anchor Point, the place where she loves to get her Bilabong merchandise. It's actually Queenstown, not Queensway. Let me correct you on this, love. When I reached, I got a call and that's when I went back. Hahaha.

We went back to Tampines via the train and we walked around wondering what to have for dinner (If I'm not wrong...) I wanted to go to Food Culture for the food, I miss it so much. And we settled in Burger King instead. After Burger King, we got his Octopus Balls and went to the sports hall for my floorball ball. It's dang cute. xD I like it. And so, we went home. I bumped into Nadiah, Yi Ting, Putri, Iskandar today. ^^

Soooo yeah, I'm at home now, with my lappy on my lap and I'm watching MTV on the sofa. There was Lady Gaga, Pussycat Dolls, now it's my favourite song by U2. Woohoo!

Also, I don't need to see Mrs Tan tomorrow, lucky I bumped into her today. But something is very screw-d up, she said when I hand in my work on the 20th, only then I can get my results and only then I can get a confirmation whether if I can go to secondary 4NA. What the heck... Zzz. I have STC on the 20th! AHHHH!!!

Talking about STC, I'm gonna be a zombie in STC. But the only way to get this through is to enjoy it. :D I hope Area 9 will cooperate with me, Rico and Sharifah during the campfire night....

sunday's a boring day

2009-11-01T07:51:00.000-08:00

What can humans do on Sundays? Sleep, eat, rest.

Soooo... I was thinking about it today, and I knew it. I can't survive when I'm away for STC and the Vietnam trip. Maybe for STC, but not for Vietnam. I think I'll be like a zombie, hugging his jacket or shirt all day long and I might even leave some tears. LOL. I'm definitely gonna write something down for him every night when I'm away. And I think he's gonna do that too. Awww.. It's gonna be 9 days in total. WTH?! I miss my baby and it feels so bad. And his jacket smell is going off.. :( Previously, I didn't met him for a day, and it felt so bad already. So how am I gonna survive when I'm in Ubin and Vietnam? That's gonna be a problem...

HIT course and NCO course has passed, time for the song leader stuff. The banner was nice actually.. But it got smudged. Dang, I'm gonna have to do some touch ups at home. But I don't have the proper place to do it. Zzz. Today's the 1st so that leaves with 20 days. I really feel bad for not helping them much, I was in full uniform on Saturday, and the CI won't let me touch it. Sorry, Wei Shan and Shafiqah!

I hope tomorrow's discussion would a brief one and that Mr Chai won't be up to his sarcasm stuff again. It sucks.

My mom has been a little more naggy recently, she just came into my room today without warning (which means there isn't a knock), she came in and laid on my bed, talking to me about her day and about my results. It's getting really frustrating. No wonder I have hair fall problem. And it's not just only today, it has been happening everyday. After she's done, she'll doze off on the bed. Just today, she made me feel disappointed in her. She kept pestering me to get Viva La Vida into her phone, but I was busy with NCO course for the past few days and I didn't get to do it for her. And so she asked me to get it done, and my parents were like ganging up on me. That leaves me with no choice so, I went to get lappy and the cable. I let her listen to Viva La Vida on my lappy, and I asked her whether if she wanted to continue to listen to the song, guess what she said? 'Of course I want to listen to it lah, can you just give me the song?!' The tone is really strong and I was trying to explain what I meant, and she just don't wanna listen. Don't wanna listen? Forget it lor. Zzz. Only get what you want, and you don't wanna listen to what the giver wanna say.

And so, tomorrow's another day...

nco course day #3

2009-10-31T09:18:00.000-07:00

Today is Saturday and it's the last day of the course. Big thing, I was suppose to be the parade commander for the dismissal parade. But, it rained and Yongsheng said we'll have it in the New Foyer. So, it's just dressing and bersurai. Wth. And I was practicing the sequence of the dismissal parade with him just now. I wanted to get it right, and it rained. Am I lucky or am I lucky? Just as I was about to have the parade, it rained. It all links back to the original dismissal parade time at 1700, but I changed it to 1730 because they can't finish their tests. I just hope that maybe for next year's first training, I would be able to be the parade commander. I'm so ready for it, but well, at least I did something.

Sooo.. I didn't went for the CIP, I know. I missed out the fun and I skipped lunch. I stayed in the command post, polished boots, went through the NCO written test papers. I was rather tired, and I needed my best friend. But I got his brother who was gold in colour. During the tent pitching before lunch, something kinda bad happened and I had to somehow be in charged of both squads for awhile. Thanks for the trust, by the way!

'My' event is finally over, so soon. It's a pity squad 2 don't really know who I am, but well... At least they got their probation ranks. xD And I should really re-mark the NCO written test papers, it's been marked by 5 different people, with different answers. But at least squad 2 passed.

The sergeants in my squad also got promoted to staff sergeants. I'm happy, we're all staff sergeants now. So ya, got the LMSC certificate, first class drill badge (but my drills are kns), police knowledge badge. So ya, my uniform is going to be more heavy soon. I still can remember how was it like for it to be light.

I was suppose to meet him for my phone, but it turns out I overslept. Nevermind, at least I got to school on time. xD

I feel so weird today, I thought I could meet him for maybe say 3 minutes today for my phone, but I can't even get to see him for a second. And how the hell am I gonna survive for my STC and my Vietnam trip? AHHH!!! Well, I was like hugging myself because since it rained today, I had his jacket on. It's so comfy. I love the smell. I really hope to see you tomorrow, before your work, I don't mind sending you to Changi Village. Oh well, see you tomorrow! Oh yeah, nice collar.

webcam

2009-10-30T10:21:00.001-07:00

Whoaaa.. He's asleep right now. Thankfully, he invited me to a webcam session and yeap, I can see him being asleep. I can see, he's really sleep deprived. Awww.. This is too good to be true, I won't wanna switch my lappy off till he's awake. But well, I hope he won't be late for work. LOL! It'll be 0600 before he drop by for my phone. He's still wearing my shirt and I wonder, is it stinky? Hahaha. It's the owner's shirt that counts. Dang, if this continues, it's like getting love sick. Soooo, see you in the morning, love. Sleep tight!

rain, rain, go away...

2009-10-30T08:21:00.000-07:00

Today was the PTC with Mrs Tan. I was really nervous, and it seems like for me, the parents are fooling around and I'm the child who's worried. It seems like it was fast, and she nearly said something which she shouldn't have said and so did Mdm Goh, my Chinese teacher. Oh well, it passed... Gotta go back on Monday and Tuesday.

School's finally out and it's kinda sad that secondary 3 just passed, and I'm fighting for promotion. Sigh...

After PTC, I rushed to the interchange to meet him. I passed Shahrul, Farid, Syafiq and some other guys. They didn't spotted me, but Shahrul spotted me at last. I think Shahrul looks kinda disappointed, but too bad, he's late. After his bus came, I went off to Tampines 1 for my parents and my mom went off to work and I went to MacDonald's for my lunch takeaway and went home with my dad. All I can remember is, after having lunch, I fell asleep. My dad called me in to ask a favor for his papers. And I went to the sofa and I fell asleep instantly. Afterwards, I can't remember what happened and I woke up at about 5. The Simpsons are having a special one tomorrow. :O

I didn't expect him to finish work so early, so I went off to meet him for my dinner. It turns out, it was raining heavily. After getting dinner, we shared a umbrella back to my house to wash up lehhhhh.. LOL! It's the bubble tea shop aunty's umbrella. Haha. So ya, my parents' room window was wide open and of course, rain entered their room and I didn't know. Their window was always closed. And I gotta mop it, which I suck at it badly. Sigh.. What to do.. My parents. Haha. And hey dear, I'm sorry. My phone's with you. Ahhhh!!! I didn't fulfil my responsibilities to it. Dang... Oh well, at least I'll get it back before the course starts. Hahaha. And yeah, you're caught in action for falling asleep in front of the webcam. :D

Sooooo.. I gotta do these before I sleep:

Mark the NCO written test papers
Iron my skirt
Get my full uniform ready
Pack up my stuff needed for tomorrow
See if the schedule is alright

And wait.. I don't plan to sleep. I have no alarm.. Dang... -.-

nco course day 2

2009-10-29T06:43:00.000-07:00

Well, well. Today's NCO course day #2. It was okay, I guess... But I still don't get it, if you see somebody busy and that somebody has actually have to do something important which you can help that somebody but you choose not to, so how could you blame it on that somebody? I just don't get it, it really didn't occured to my mind about it. Whatever it is, I don't really wanna care since the whole structure is like this already. When AAR (after action review, not All American Rejects!) is here, I'm not gonna utter a word, it makes no sense to me about it all. And so I became the I/C twice for the two dismissal parades. Whoaaaaaaaaa...

Today ended quite late, I guess. I talked to the 'old' alumni for Saturday and it turns out the alumnis are taking the squad and isn't it a rule that alumnis aren't allowed to 'touch' cadets? Whatever it is, I apperciated his help a lot. I guess, without his help I would be a lost NCO. Whoaaaaa, and the fireman's jacket on his bag is cool. :O

After everything, I went over to block 243 to meet him. Went to dinner, went to Open Plaza, went to Sunplaza Park, and went home.

I'm rather tired today, but I'm contented in a way. I don't feel like typing a long one. Maybe after the course? Well, Saturday would be my turn as parade commander and I'm nervous. I can't remember the pledge, but I'm gonna make it a good one. Wish me luck!!! ^^

nco course day 1

2009-10-28T07:01:00.000-07:00

Today marks the day for NCO course. It's also the busiest day for this week. In the morning, there was this ceremony, but it's kinda like a pity I don't get my certificate. But what Mr Syam said really helped me a lot, and I really appreciate what he did. I sure do hope what he said was true to me and Syafiq. We were just freaking out just now.

The course today was rather successful, but there's always room for improvement, sounds familiar? Yeapp, that's what I remember from CI (NPCC) Steven. The unit feels kinda weird without him. Well, today went well, I guess... But, I learnt one important lesson today, don't bring toooo many stuff no matter who you are. Hey, I got my reasons for it. Hahahaha. And this 'old' alumni was here today, and he kept bothering me? He's nice, but annoying ever since sec 1 camp back in March. Hahaha.

Song leader session was kinda fast. It seems like the emcees have to do the job now and I wanna print out the song sheets. I have no clue how the order goes, but I do have a script in my head actually. That's why I didn't produce much stuff for the script. I just hope on the actual evening, it goes well. And it's still kinda shocking that I'm working with his junior, Sharifah.

Everything went well, but it seems like if I don't meet him everyday, it feels kinda empty. I knew he fell asleep and I wanted him to sleep because he MUST get all the sleep he needs. I didn't expect to meet him after everything, and I eventually got my chance when I was halfway through my dinner while watching All American Rejects on TV. LOL! We went to get my deep heating rub cream that he wanted me to buy (which I hope works for my shoulder) at the sinseh and of course, it's been awhile since I had my chocolate milk tea with no pearls. Heaven~ I really want it to get applied, my left shoulder feels 'handicapped'. It just feels kinda numb.

My new bag was told to be 'flashy' by Jia Hui. I feel proud to have it, not many people have that design. Hahaha. It brings out my character, right?

And so we're gonna meet at 0600 tomorrow! Woohoo!~

tomorrow's the day?

2009-10-27T05:44:00.000-07:00

I'm on panick mode. I'm still very much unprepared for NCO course tomorrow. The only reason because is, I'll be very, very busy tomorrow. It's the busiest day of the week. I'm also praying very hard that nothing goes wrong tomorrow. I'm worried, I really am. Though it's stated black and white that I'm the overall course coordinator, it does seem like it's that way. Sigh... I think this unit would be like this till the end of time. I used to look forward to this so much, but I think it's a pain now.

I polished my boots today and it can't shine like it used to anymore. It was as shiny as a CI's boots, okay... Zzz. But while I was polishing, I listen to Coldplay on my TV and my mom was instantly addicted to their song, Viva La Vida. It's a nice song, I'm glad that she likes it.

I slept the whole day and I'm really sorry for not meeting you in the morning! My eyes can't open at all. But, but I'll definitely meet you in the morning for the rest of the week. And I must say, the new bag looks good. Maybe we can trade it someday. Hahaha. But I still prefer mine, it's colourful! I know you're sleeping now, so you better get all the sleep you need. You're gonna have a busy weekend. And maybe let's try to meet up on Saturday?

And so, my day ends when I when to Popeye's to have dinner with my parents...

Borrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrredddddddddddddd

2009-10-26T07:24:00.000-07:00

I'm bored, so I'm doing everything twice. I think he fell asleep again, and I don't wanna disturb him because of his bad headache since last night. He's gonna get all the rest he needs. Any suggestions on what I should do? Maybe I should finally download iTunes after getting this lappy from my dad for 3 or 4 months now. I'm really bored, and I just wanna say that his jersey is around my head, and I'm hugging his jacket.

Nadiah, red bull

2009-10-26T06:06:00.001-07:00

I want to declare officially that red bull is my best friend! Red bull is from Austria too. Waaaaaa, look where my new best is from.. Woohoo~~

As I talked to Nadiah today over msn/ facebook, it feels so nice to talk to your primary school classmates. Now that she 'handed' over the pictures, it's Nora's turn. But I don't think it will be that soon. Hahaha.

Sooooooooo.. back to school. My sleeping time is getting more interesting to me, that's why I hereby declare Red Bull as my best friend. I met him at 0600 and I was pretty much like a zombie, I guess. And I can't be apart with your jersey!!! It's the owner that counts, not the jersey actually. Hahaha. I saw my results today in class, and I really have nothing to say about it. I did all I can, but I still failed. But at least I made improvement.

Shahrul, Syafiq, Qian Ying and I interviewed at least 8 or 9 potential mentors. Some of them are great, some of them are like mat, and some are just 'still'. We were fast than the other groups, but I think we got we wanted and we didn't want the kids to freak out or start to have a panic attack. And so... This Wednesday's ceremony starts at 11 and it'll be the last two befriender session. Finally, it's gonna be over.. Wooohoooo!!!

After school, I went to npcc room. But I was kinda in a panic mode because not many people were there and now I'm praying very hard that HIT course and NCO course doesn't have any hiccups anymore. It was really brain cracking when I had to discuss with the squad about the dates for HIT course and NCO course. I think the work is nearly done, what's left is to execute it.

After reaching home, I got knocked out for awhile, but I was awake again because my MP3 player was playing the whole time. I was really lazy to move, but still... I went to the meeting with the guys at the Open Plaza and they sorta bullied me to becoming the parade commander for Saturday. This is what you get for being the minority, and I have no regret about being the minority!!!

After the meeting, I took the train at around 1530, I guess. I was already late, but he didn't tell me! I was out at Clementi station for about 5 minutes or so, and I tapped my card again. And we're off to get the Dickies bag. Hoorah! I wanted it since last year, and I finally got it this year. It's really colourful, that's what I like but not many people have it, that's another thing. The best thing about this Dickies bag experience is that I might get to switch bags with my dearly beloved, so I have no issues with it. Hahahahaha. But it'll add a final touch with his floorball ball keychain so that I can constantly remind myself who I got this bag with. Ahahaha. Dang, I'm weird. It's cute to me, you should see it.

So, I guess I'm gonna use it for NCO course, STC, and the Vietnam trip. And I hope it doesn't ripe apart, just like what you said, because I'm gonna love it like how I love you. Pssssssssssst.. I love you more lah, but please don't let my bag know!~

HORAH!!!!!!!! I FINALLY OWN A DICKIES BAG!! IN YOUR FACE, DICKIES! xD

this is just like a assignment.. LOL!

2009-10-25T08:10:00.000-07:00

Right, my 2nd post for the day. Hahaha..

Hey my dear, I just want to let you know, you better eat something because I want you to take Panadol as soon as you can because I don't want you to have the headache in your head for too long. Listen to me for once~ It's for your own good. You might probably fall asleep too. Haha. But hey, your health matters most, so do take care of it, I don't you to fall sick. You're a tough man. Hahahaha! And dang, I'm gonna miss your jersey. :(

See you tomorrow morning, sayang~

do you know what's the difference?

2009-10-25T06:04:00.000-07:00

The difference between a market and a supermarket is that a market is usually wet and everything is fresh while a supermarket is air conditioned and everything is mostly packed properly.

Let's get back to today. I slept like a baby from 0300 to 1100. It rained and my mom didn't close the windows before she went to work and I had to mop the floor when I woke up, brilliant eh? When I woke up, I thought it was too late to meet him as he might be at work. Hahaha. I had my lunch and dang, I fell asleep on the sofa.

And I was awaken by his call and so it turns out that he's not working today! Dang, it's so confusing with his work schedule! His jersey was wrapped around my head and I'm like a bandit at home. Hahaha. And I thought we didn't have the opportunity to meet up today, but guess what? There was a opportunity and it was made by his mom. Soooo, I went over to his block in my bright yellow NPAP shirt with his jersey. Little did I know that when we headed to the north CC to change up, I saw Steven and Putra. It was kinda awkward and that had this cheeky smile.. Sigh, kids these days. If they don't ka chiau me about it, I'm happy. Lucky I didn't hold something in my hand.. Phew~

And so when we left NTUC and Watsons and heading to the escalator, it was kinda shocking, because I saw Putra and Xinyu. LOL! I admitted to more ''secrets'' and it turns out it's kinda like the same for the both of us. Hahaha. I also wanted to left my NPAP shirt in his bag on purpose but it turns out I really did forgot about it when I was at home. -.-

Tomorrow's the final briefing for NCO course 2009, and I hope the squad will cooperate with me, if not I'm gonna die of shock. LOL! I might be getting my Dickies bag tomorrow too, and I wonder what design should I get...

I also created a ''How well do you know me?'' quiz on facebook, and I don't think anybody can pass. Hahaha.

''jog''

2009-10-24T04:30:00.000-07:00

I slept at 2 yesterday and woke up at 6. And we went for a ''jog'' at Sunplaza Park. Hahaha. I enjoy time with him, but it's always never enough. I snuck out of the house early in the morning and I didn't expect my mom to be awake so soon, damn! But she didn't nag at me. Phew~ After I reached home at about 0800, I fell asleep and we agreed to meet around 0900, 0930.

Little did I know that I fell asleep on the coach and I only woke up at 0930 after receving a call from him. So it turns out that we both fell asleep. Hahaha, but I didn't do that on purpose, definitely. And eventually I went to the bus stop to meet him, in the clothes that I was wearing. Hahaha and now I adopted his style of buttoning the top and last button if there's 3 buttons on the shirt, cool huh? If you try this at home, you'll definitely know why I said that.

When I board the bus with him, it seems like the journey is more fast and when I went back, the journey is so slow. But I have my MP3 with me, so it isn't a problem.

I've completed the logistics list and I've selected the name for the muster parade's parade commander. And I'd like to say, thanks Melvin for choosing me!

I would also like to say that, I'm damn disappointed with my results and I have no idea whether if I can go to secondary 4. It's starting to worry me. But what can I do, now that exams are over, I can focus on NPCC.

Monday: Interview for Potential Mentors
Last two befrienders session
Final briefing for NCO course with Irfan

Tuesday: Promotion Day

Wednesday: Mentoring Certificate Ceremony
NCO Course Day #1
Song Leader Session

Thursday: NCO Course Day #2

Friday: Parent Teacher Conference

Saturday: CIP for newspaper collection
NCO Course Day #3
It's going to be a exciting week, next week. But I'm going to need my drug again.

P.S. I'M READY FOR A DICKIES BAG!!!!!!!!!!

Where have you been all my life?!

2009-10-22T08:05:00.000-07:00

You're so awesome. I really can't describe you. I lost interest in guys when I first talked to you, and I realized that Singapore is really small, especially in Tampines. You know what I mean.. Hahaha. Where have you been all my life?!

Just sitting together makes me feel great. Time really flies with you. AHHH, it's just so fabulous that I can't stop thinking about you. You're so great to me.. :D

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY FREAKIN' LIFE?!?!

To you,

2009-10-22T06:44:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile now, and tons of stuff happened and it sure did make a big impact in my life. I given up on somebody I loved so much because I don't think that I deserve him at all because of my reasons. I found somebody else, and it's just so amazing. It's been countless times since I told you. I understand that it'll definitely be hard. But let me ask you a question, would you want to be stuck in a time of your life when you're really upset or do you want to struggle for awhile and carry on with your life so that you can find happiness? Which would you choose?

Well, I chose to struggle for awhile and carry on with my life, that's how I found my love and he's really awesome to me. What we shared was great, but in our relationship, it proved a lot of things. Even if he didn't exist, I would still leave you because of you and not because of him, I hope you get that understood. I don't even know if you hate or you're okay with me now, because judging by what you in facebook, you still hate me and why are you still being all nice on me? I'm cool with you, but do you have to be that way? I know you still care for me, and I appreciate it. But you're just like a hypocrite. Don't know the meaning? Look for it.

When I was with you, I really did love you a lot until you told me about my ''problem''. From then, I knew that I had to end it because it would really get out of hand. I felt so breathless. I left you at my own accord, I left you because I don't deserve you a single bit, not at all. But I met somebody who's just like me. Like what I told you before, it's the imperfect things that make you perfect for me. And it's really the imperfect things about him that makes him perfect for me. I love him so much, and I wonder where did he went all my life. When I was with you, that question didn't came across my mind at all. See the difference? I know I've done wrong when I realized it all along. I just can't understand why.

Till this day, I can't forget what I did, but to only remember that as a great memory. I really do know that I was wrong, and I believe that I don't have a problem at all. I gotta admit, though it's a instant hook up, I'm so happy that I chose to go against you and met him. He gave me the reason to not cheat on him, he made me lost interest in other guys except for him, he made me feel like I'm so darn right for him even though I did so many wrongs to hurt you. As I have mentioned, I'm cool with you. I'm aware you're not happy at all, and you might wanna have revenge. I don't give a damn about it, and I hope that you're cool with me too, because I'm cool with you. I just can't believe what you said to a 11 year old girl over facebook, seriously.

51st post

2009-09-28T06:00:00.000-07:00

It's the 51st post of my blog.

I was sitting down just now, reflecting my whole entire life. It's filled with regrets, love, character building and guilt. I've been through nasty incidents and I made it through, it's hard to not think about it. My life, as I would like to say, it's full of sins, regrets. There were of course the happy and depressing moments. My life is just satisfied, I'm contented. I looked through my life and there were of course, some guys who made my life revolutionary. Those guys made me twirl round and round with my emotions and I can say that my experience is way, way more than those cousins of mine who are at least 10 years older than me. I read about my grandfather's biography just the other day and I should maybe have one biography as well, because I would also want to pass it on to my future children and their children. I guess, my life story would be a nice one, as there's lots of stuff that happened. All sorts. I have many dirty little secrets just like most of my friends, and their friends. But it would rather be shocking about it. I really have no idea why I turned this way, but I think it must have something to do with a guy who was in my life before and now, he's gone. But yeah, I gotta say that what I faced will always be apart of me and it will make me who I am. And, it did.

Now, I'm thinking. Why am I writing such a post? LOL! I really like to reflect a lot on life, maybe. Right now, I'm rather upset because a new friend made of mine broke his promise. And, I don't think I'll get to see him again anymore because he's a friend of my boyfriend. It's a little promise made, but still, it's a promise, right? And god damned it, I'm still struggling with a problem of mine... I hate it so much. Argh..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh well, life goes on...

I really hope that I can fast forward to 10 years later.

stranger

2009-09-16T06:29:00.000-07:00

I don't know what's happening to me again, I feel like a stranger to myself. Am I feeling jealous, angry, sad, heart brokened, nervous or happy? I don't know! And I hate saying I don't know, it's not a definite answer. Everything just seems to piss me off. I've been hearing ''Dirty Little Secret'' all the day long, and I don't know why I keep hearing it, somehow it just relates to how I'm feeling now and I don't feel nice at all. I hate this feeling...

INEZA!!!

2009-09-15T06:05:00.000-07:00

Monday
I had a really rough day. I was stuck with my thoughts about the results and my buddy that I got assigned to when I was primary 5 called me. She wanted to meet me at Tampines Mart. When I heard her voice, it seems to me like nothing matters anymore. I rushed down to meet her but I reached at around 4.10. While I was in the bus, I nearly fell? Why? Andrew called to ask about the song sheet stuff. Nearly fell, but I didn't. Haha. Then, I saw Luke walking home, Nora board the bus from her school area too. When I finally reached, I was thinking, sooo... Does she still look the same with petite size and the plaits? Haha. Well, I saw a girl who really looked like her walked passed me and I decided to ''follow'' her. Not in a stalker way, but in a way to find out if she's Ineza or not. It turns out to be her and it really does feel sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good to see her after 3 years. 3 whole years. Whoaa.. I miss her so much. I love her. She's so precious. She still has her sweet tooth too. Haha. After my late lunch with her, she brought out her Mathematics assessment book. Whoaaa, I lost touch on those primary school problem sums. I used to get scolded by my teacher about it. It was rather harsh, but yeah, I am who I am today. The answer was 60. The answer didn't came out from me and it was from my boyfriend and my friend, Edwina. After everything, we were expecting bus 28. I decided to send her off to her tuition place and we took a less-than-a-minute picture. Haha. When I was in the bus, I was horrified. I didn't have money to go home at all!!! AHHHH!! Out of coins and notes, my ez link card didn't have any value at all. So yeah, her tuition place was at street 45 and I had to walk back home. Guess how long it took? 30 minutes. I passed by Dunman Secondary, the block I used to stay for a year, Tampines North Primary, East View Secondary. Fwahhhh.. But it's okay, great workout, I guess... Anything for her, but I'm worried that she might be prone to strangers. I really do hope to spend more time with her. But I have my schedule fully packed all the way till Friday. Sighhh.. Ineza is just soooooo precious. Dear Ineza, if you're reading this, I wanna let you know that you're so precious to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope to see you again soon, and I'll really find time for you. Love ya.. :D

Today
Whoaaaaaa... I'm damn pissed with Mr Chai today. I don't wanna talk about it and my dad said that just do what I think is right, as he can't force people to run. It's my 3rd attempt and I failed again. My dad told me to be careful and he said that he really is a weird teacher. Why, you'd ask? After running 2.4 kilometres, your legs would feel rather weak and is he gonna pay for our medical bills if we have an accident? And he expects us to clear our standing broad jump. Sometimes I feel like saying it in his face, I just can't jump, don't you get it? And he asked me if I owned the school, question is Mr Chai, do YOU own the school? Well, I think that all the students own the school, we paid good school fees for the school to keep it running. But we don't pay our school fees for Mr Chai's ridiculous lessons. The ''talking back'' thing is getting into me again, and I made him mad, I guess. We're even now. Yeah, so what if I gave you lame excuses? It's to you that it's lame, but it's a genuine one. If you don't believe it, there's nothing I can do to make you believe. Dumb teacher. My knees were killing me after the run, and you still want me to jump? You gotta be nuts. Stupid teacher... I hope you leave the school.

sunday

2009-09-13T06:04:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking all day long. I've finally thought it all through. I know what caused my rage and Irfan's. It's really dumb. Well, I didn't take up his suggestions because I find that it's so restricted. It's like, either it's today or not at all. Don't you find it restricted? I hope I don't choke him halfway. I also hope that I don't have my debating face switched on. It's my fierce face, actually. I hope they can really knock, no. Drill some sense and wake him up tomorrow. It's about time.

I received the one last attachment after 5 days after the deadline. He's really an idiot. Hahaha. It's him, what can you expect?

I have a lot things to worry for this week. I have to worry about homework and Mr Chai's stinkin' PE lesson. Like what I told Shahrul today, I might always seem happy and laughing at lame stuff, but I'm always troubled. I would also like to say that he really reminds me of Shahril. I don't know how Shahril is right now, after that day, we didn't contact anymore. It's rather sad, and I think he's avoiding me too. Maybe I should turn to Iqbal for help. Well, whenever I look at Shahrul, he'll remind me of Shahril. Though they're of different heights, Shahrul still reminds me of Shahril. Good memories.. Haha. I like it that way, I guess. But it's better to have friend than a foe, right?

My mom's gone away for a whole day. She's off see my grandfather. And after that, she has a family meeting. My dad and I wanted to go, but we were asked to stay at home by my aunt. My grandfather's health is really going down. These few days, I've been wondering, how old will I die? How old will my parents pass away? How old will YOU pass away? It's rather sad, and all I hope for this year is for him to pass his 89th birthday in November. That's all.

After so many problems, matters, incidents and things that will affect my life, I'm beginning to think a lot. Well, like what my cousin-in-law Mike said, ''Persevere in what you do, it'll help a lot. Every subject, topic links with each other in the real world.'' I really like him a lot, he's a 45 year old Englishman. I remembered how we talked about the environment while standing drinking Coke with Vodka. He's a really nice guy and I learnt a lot from him. I must say, he was the one who made me think, yes, I wanna be an environmentalist. That's what I should do when I'm older. But, I have other dreams of course. He told me how he was when he was a boy and about his sister. He reminds me of Johnny Rotten from the Sex Pistols. Haha. But of course, the oral hygiene is way better (Johnny Rotten got his name from having bad oral hygiene). I'm loved to hear his childhood stories. It's great to hear that his sister has a fauxhawk. It's so darn cool. Hohoho, I hope I get to meet him soon.

Well, my Sunday ends with thoughts. That's all, I guess...

Thanks, Shahrul!

misleading

2009-09-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

I was very pissed this afternoon. Rage and anger was crawling all over me. I finally got the bad news that I didn't hope for. I thought I heard something wrong over the phone. But after I hung up and closed my eyes, I thought that maybe I should clarify. Yesss, alright. I got the bad news. I can't express how angry I was. I felt like screaming on a high pitch and say ''fuck you'' to everybody that I see, I wanna smash that bloody faggot's skull. I want to end this with a peaceful way like how you said it. I have enough of bullshit for these few weeks, and now I've got one word to name this episode. Misleading. What you said and what I thought was all misleading. Misleading to nowhere. I'm so tired of this. It keeps happening to me. Sometimes I ask myself, why does this happen? And my heart tells my brain that it's because what people say to me and what they to say to each other. That's what it's all about. This monday's ''meeting'' is going to end like how I excepted, and I don't think that there's much questions about it. It's just so stupid. I wished for such a ''meeting'' to happen earlier, but it didn't happen at all. After the situation is worsened, the ''meeting'' pops out. There is only one thing that I ask for right now, and that is to ask them think of the people working around him. Will they stress out and be pushed to their final limits?

I'm still burning with rage. Can somebody try to cool me down, please?